So I was on Instagram the other day and I saw a post from a Spanish girl who normally goes to my school here but is studying abroad in America this year. It's a post that she found on Twitter about being an exchange student and I love it so much that I'm going to post it on my blog. So here it is:
I am an exchange student. How do you know what is a dream if you never accomplished one? How do you know what is an adventure if you never took part in one? How do you know what is anguish if you never said goodbye to your family and friends with your eyes full of tears? How do you know what is being desperate if you never arrived in a place alone and could not understand a word of what everyone else was saying? How do you know what is diversity if you never lived under the same roof with people from all over the world? How do you know what is tolerance if you never had to get used to something different even if you didn't like it? How do you know what is autonomy if you never had the chance to decide something by yourself? How do you know what it means to grow up if you never stopped being a child to start a new course? How do you know what it is to be helpless if you never wanted to hug someone and had a computer screen to prevent you from doing it? How do you know what is distance if you never, looking at a map, said "I am so far away,"? How do you know what is a language if you never had to learn one to make friends? How do you know what is patriotism if you never shouted "I love my country" holding a flag in your hands? How do you know what is the true reality if you never had the chance to see a lot of them to make one? How do you know what is an opportunity if you never caught one? How do you know what is pride if you never experienced it for yourself realizing how much you have accomplished? How do you know what is to seize the day if you never saw the time running so fast? How do you know what is a friend if the circumstances never showed you the true ones? How do you know what is a family if you never had one that supported you unconditionally? How do you know what are borders if you never crossed yours to see what there was on the other side? How do you know what is imagination if you never thought about the moment when you would go back home? How do you know the world if you have never been an exchange student?
Now I have no idea who wrote this, but whoever they are, they captured the very essence of being an exchange student in that short paragraph. Being an exchange students is one of the hardest things you could ever do. You're taking a year out of your life to move to a foreign country, leaving all of your friends and family behind to live with a new family and try to make new friends, speaking a new language (which is extremely hard at first, btw), growing up and maturing away from everything you've ever known. It's so hard. There were times when I wanted to quit. It's been great since the beginning, but there were times when the "bad" outweighed the "good" and I just wanted to go home, quit, give up. I didn't even want to try anymore. I know I'm not the only one who has felt that. Sometimes you cry for nothing or for everything, because you just miss everything so much. And sometimes you're so upset that you can't even make yourself cry. You're just depressed and the sky seems darker and the experience seems helpless.
But it's not just difficult. It's also one of the most amazing things you could ever do in your life. It's one of the most humbling, one of the most nerve-wracking, and one of the most exciting things you could ever do. There are times when you're going to feel like you're on top of the world. There are times when you feel like you never want to go home because you're so happy here. There are times when you're so beyond proud of yourself for all the things that you've done and that you continue to do every day. There are times when it seems like your life here is eternal, like you never want to let it go. And hey, yes we have to go home eventually, but that doesn't mean we have to forget about our life here. I don't think that's even possible.
The truth is, I am in heaven here. Spain is my savior. I swear I have never been happier in my entire life. The thought of going home tears me apart, genuinely, because half of me can't wait to finally be home with my family, to finally be able to laugh with my friends that I've had since I was like 7, to go back to normality, to be able to speak English. But there's another half of me that's never going to be happy there. There's another part of me that belongs here. That's the part of me that's changed, that's grown, that's matured because of my experience here, because of being an exchange student, because of seeing a different side of the world, and being a part of it. There's a part of me that grew along side my family and my friends and my school HERE. There's a part of me that belongs to the Spanish culture, to the Spanish language, to Bilbao, to these people, to this life that I made...the one I made for myself. I found myself here, and there's always going to be a part of me that can only be satisfied if I'm here.
I think that's the only bad thing about being an exchange student.....I'm never going to be fully satisfied again. There's always going to be part of me left in another country, left with other people. I'm always going to be half happy because I'm with a part of my family, a part of my friends, a part of my life. But there's always going to be a part of me missing that which isn't with me, that family, those friends, that place, that ME that's in a different country.
It's scary to think how much my life has changed in such a short period of time, and how nobody that I know, unless they are or have been an exchange student, will ever understand that. But I wouldn't change it for anything. This is hands-down the most amazing experience of my life, the most amazing year of my life. Being an exchange student is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Celebrations
So like I said in my previous blog post, and ones before that, we have the three days of exams. The past Friday, Monday and Tuesday were the exams. I had Spanish Lit, Latin, History, English, Economy, and Philosophy. They were all pretty easy and I think I did pretty well...or at least I hope so! We'll find out when we go back to school this coming week. Btw we don't have class this week because everyone from my grade is on a ski/snowboard trip, which I couldn't go on because of my janky knees... :(
Anywho, after the exams, everyone goes to a bar that's right by the school to celebrate. The first round of exams, I didn't go, because I still wasn't doing great with the whole friends thing. It was at the beginning of the year, so I wasn't comfortable enough to go. But this time, I hung around after school with my boyfriend for a couple hours and then later we went to the bar.
This type of stuff is what makes me love Spain. The whole back part of the bar was full of students from school, some I've never even seen because they're from the grade above and we don't have mixed classes like in US high school. You're only ever with your grade, so unless you're in recreo, you don't hang out with people from other grades in school. Anyway, we put all the tables together and were sitting around laughing, talking, well more like yelling to be honest, and having a good time.
This one guy had let's just say a little too much to drink, and he was nonstop asking me "important" questions about the US. By important I mean "Which state is the grossest?" and things like that. I was literally laughing so hard because it was so ridiculous.
These two girls who I have never seen before came up to me and were asking me all kinds of questions. Like they knew who I was, my name, where I was from, and that I was here this year and everything. It's just funny because even though normally people don't treat me differently anymore, because I've sort of become a regular part of the school, I'm still the American girl. Most people know who I am, even if I don't know who they are. So that's kind of cool tbh. Anywho, they were telling me how great I speak and how amazing this must be and that I have to enjoy my time here because it's going to fly by.
That's something I can definitely attest to. It's crazy how fast this year is going by. In like a week, it will have been 6 months here. That means I only have 4 months left. The thought of that makes me genuinely depressed. This place is the greatest, I swear. I love the people here, I love the parties here, I love my life here. It's just so different, and I know I'm going to miss it so much when I go home. It's things like that End-of-Exams-Celebration that make me realize how much I love this place. Just being able to go to some bar and hang out with all my friends, laughing, yelling, making fun of each other, but knowing that we are all doing it out of love, is just amazing.
I'm really going to miss these krazy kats when I go home!
Anywho, after the exams, everyone goes to a bar that's right by the school to celebrate. The first round of exams, I didn't go, because I still wasn't doing great with the whole friends thing. It was at the beginning of the year, so I wasn't comfortable enough to go. But this time, I hung around after school with my boyfriend for a couple hours and then later we went to the bar.
This type of stuff is what makes me love Spain. The whole back part of the bar was full of students from school, some I've never even seen because they're from the grade above and we don't have mixed classes like in US high school. You're only ever with your grade, so unless you're in recreo, you don't hang out with people from other grades in school. Anyway, we put all the tables together and were sitting around laughing, talking, well more like yelling to be honest, and having a good time.
This one guy had let's just say a little too much to drink, and he was nonstop asking me "important" questions about the US. By important I mean "Which state is the grossest?" and things like that. I was literally laughing so hard because it was so ridiculous.
These two girls who I have never seen before came up to me and were asking me all kinds of questions. Like they knew who I was, my name, where I was from, and that I was here this year and everything. It's just funny because even though normally people don't treat me differently anymore, because I've sort of become a regular part of the school, I'm still the American girl. Most people know who I am, even if I don't know who they are. So that's kind of cool tbh. Anywho, they were telling me how great I speak and how amazing this must be and that I have to enjoy my time here because it's going to fly by.
That's something I can definitely attest to. It's crazy how fast this year is going by. In like a week, it will have been 6 months here. That means I only have 4 months left. The thought of that makes me genuinely depressed. This place is the greatest, I swear. I love the people here, I love the parties here, I love my life here. It's just so different, and I know I'm going to miss it so much when I go home. It's things like that End-of-Exams-Celebration that make me realize how much I love this place. Just being able to go to some bar and hang out with all my friends, laughing, yelling, making fun of each other, but knowing that we are all doing it out of love, is just amazing.
I'm really going to miss these krazy kats when I go home!
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Mid-way Orientation
So we haven't had an orientation since like September or October...I can't even remember when it was. Then after what felt like forever, we got an email saying we had another orientation. And just my luck, it happened to fall on the weekend of my exams. I've talked about the exams in other blog posts before. Three times this year, we have these three days of no school, just 2 or 3 exams everyday that last 1 1/2 hours. I was so stressed out because I knew that having to go to orientation would mean that I had a lot less time to study, as orientation was from Saturday morning to Sunday evening. I didn't even want to go, but I'm actually so glad that I did.
I think every time I find out we have an orientation, I complain and I say I don't want to go, but after orientation, every single time, I say I had such a good time and I actually look forward to going to the next one.
So orientation this time was in Vitoria which is a city about an hour away from where I live, but I went about 2 hours later than anyone else, so when I got to Vitoria, I was all alone and had no idea where I was going, because I had never been there before. So the "director" or "boss" dude from our Bilbao group came to find me and walk me to the hostel we were staying at. After only like 2 questions about how things were going, he stopped me and told me I speak REALLY well in Spanish. He said that I know a lot and that I hardly have an American accent. That is honestly like the best compliment. I love when people tell me how well I speak. There's this one girl at my school who says I speak better than her, which is obviously an exaggeration but it still makes me feel good. It's like a reassurance of everything that I'm doing, of my experience here, and of all the work that I've been doing. There was also a girl at orientation that is the Spanish sister of one of the students and she said that if she didn't already know I was a student, she would think I was from here because I speak so well, so colloquially, and with hardly an accent. God I love speaking in Spanish.
Anywho, we got to the place and did a bunch of activities, like normal. Activities and talking about our experience. I feel bad because a lot of times I complain about little things in my situation, about my family, my school, whatever it may be, but there are people here who have situations a lot worse than mine. Honestly, I'm so lucky to have the life that I have here, so I guess that's reassuring.
It's funny to think back to the first orientation in Bilbao when they wanted us to speak in Spanish and no one had any idea how to speak Spanish. We ended up talking in English the whole time. Then at the second orientation about a month later, it was easier to understand them when they were talking in Spanish, and we could say certain things in Spanish, too. But I remember that when we wanted to explain our situation, complain, or really talk deeply about a certain thing, we would break down and speak in English. But then we went to this orientation, and it was almost always in Spanish. I mean yeah we would talk to each other in English, but for all the activities and talking to the volunteers, we would speak in Spanish. And it's so crazy to see how much easier it is now. I mean we can really explain things, talk deeply, complain, etc in Spanish. But it's also weird because sometimes I catch myself speaking in Spanish and then I say a sentence in English, or the other way around. It's just weird going back and forth between the two. Or like someone talks to you in English and you respond in Spanish. Or you start talking to your friends in Spanish and then you're like, wait why are we talking in Spanish, we're not with the volunteers? It's just so weird actually being fluent in two languages.
Anywho, the volunteers from Bilbao are probably the coolest people ever. They're young, so they really understand our situation, they can give good advice, and they know how to cheer us up. Plus they're just really fun. We all ended up staying up til 4 AM talking and laughing and just having an incredible time.
Then the next morning, we went to some really old church that is in Vitoria, which I actually didn't like at all. First of all, it was slightly terrifying because it was built so long ago, and it rains so much in Vitoria that it was like sinking into the mud. So they had to build reinforcement columns and things like that, and we went underground to see all of that, but we had to wear hardhats because it's dangerous. Plus, we had to wear them inside the church, as well, because the church is like falling apart. There are cracks in the walls and cords holding the different columns up because the whole place is falling in on itself.
The thing I really didn't like though was that it looked more like a bathroom from Hogwarts than a church. It's all white tile. Maybe that's just me, but it just felt like a bathroom haha.
Then we got to go up to the second floor, and they told us that if we don't like heights or if we're claustrophobic, maybe we should stay on the first floor. Now mind you, I'm very claustrophobic, but it didn't look too bad, and everyone else was going up, so I was like screw it let's go. No....horrible decision honestly. I was freaking out the whole time. You walk up this incredibly narrow spiral staircase and it feels like the walls are going to fall in on you. Then there are parts where you have to bend down really low because you have to walk through a dark tunnel. I thought I was going to hyperventilate... But then you get up to the second floor, which shouldn't even be considered a second floor. It's honestly just a tiny little passageway that goes along the wall throughout the church and you can see down to the first floor. Not my cup of tea to be honest.
That's pretty much it. I mean we did go back to the hostel after and talk. It's great to talk about the differences in culture that we are really seeing now. Like at first we see little differences, but as time goes on, we find more and more, and every time, we understand them a little more. And it's also great because now that we really live here, now that we know how Spain is, we can talk about the things we like here or the things we like more about USA. It's just interesting to see everyone's different opinion.
If anyone reading my blog is going to be a future AFSer, go to orientation and make the most of it! Because these are the only people that really understand what you're going through, the only people that can really help you. You can talk to your parents and your friends, but they're never going to understand this situation and this experience the way the other AFSers and volunteers will. So enjoy your time at orientation!!!
I think every time I find out we have an orientation, I complain and I say I don't want to go, but after orientation, every single time, I say I had such a good time and I actually look forward to going to the next one.
So orientation this time was in Vitoria which is a city about an hour away from where I live, but I went about 2 hours later than anyone else, so when I got to Vitoria, I was all alone and had no idea where I was going, because I had never been there before. So the "director" or "boss" dude from our Bilbao group came to find me and walk me to the hostel we were staying at. After only like 2 questions about how things were going, he stopped me and told me I speak REALLY well in Spanish. He said that I know a lot and that I hardly have an American accent. That is honestly like the best compliment. I love when people tell me how well I speak. There's this one girl at my school who says I speak better than her, which is obviously an exaggeration but it still makes me feel good. It's like a reassurance of everything that I'm doing, of my experience here, and of all the work that I've been doing. There was also a girl at orientation that is the Spanish sister of one of the students and she said that if she didn't already know I was a student, she would think I was from here because I speak so well, so colloquially, and with hardly an accent. God I love speaking in Spanish.
Anywho, we got to the place and did a bunch of activities, like normal. Activities and talking about our experience. I feel bad because a lot of times I complain about little things in my situation, about my family, my school, whatever it may be, but there are people here who have situations a lot worse than mine. Honestly, I'm so lucky to have the life that I have here, so I guess that's reassuring.
It's funny to think back to the first orientation in Bilbao when they wanted us to speak in Spanish and no one had any idea how to speak Spanish. We ended up talking in English the whole time. Then at the second orientation about a month later, it was easier to understand them when they were talking in Spanish, and we could say certain things in Spanish, too. But I remember that when we wanted to explain our situation, complain, or really talk deeply about a certain thing, we would break down and speak in English. But then we went to this orientation, and it was almost always in Spanish. I mean yeah we would talk to each other in English, but for all the activities and talking to the volunteers, we would speak in Spanish. And it's so crazy to see how much easier it is now. I mean we can really explain things, talk deeply, complain, etc in Spanish. But it's also weird because sometimes I catch myself speaking in Spanish and then I say a sentence in English, or the other way around. It's just weird going back and forth between the two. Or like someone talks to you in English and you respond in Spanish. Or you start talking to your friends in Spanish and then you're like, wait why are we talking in Spanish, we're not with the volunteers? It's just so weird actually being fluent in two languages.
Anywho, the volunteers from Bilbao are probably the coolest people ever. They're young, so they really understand our situation, they can give good advice, and they know how to cheer us up. Plus they're just really fun. We all ended up staying up til 4 AM talking and laughing and just having an incredible time.
Then the next morning, we went to some really old church that is in Vitoria, which I actually didn't like at all. First of all, it was slightly terrifying because it was built so long ago, and it rains so much in Vitoria that it was like sinking into the mud. So they had to build reinforcement columns and things like that, and we went underground to see all of that, but we had to wear hardhats because it's dangerous. Plus, we had to wear them inside the church, as well, because the church is like falling apart. There are cracks in the walls and cords holding the different columns up because the whole place is falling in on itself.
The thing I really didn't like though was that it looked more like a bathroom from Hogwarts than a church. It's all white tile. Maybe that's just me, but it just felt like a bathroom haha.
Then we got to go up to the second floor, and they told us that if we don't like heights or if we're claustrophobic, maybe we should stay on the first floor. Now mind you, I'm very claustrophobic, but it didn't look too bad, and everyone else was going up, so I was like screw it let's go. No....horrible decision honestly. I was freaking out the whole time. You walk up this incredibly narrow spiral staircase and it feels like the walls are going to fall in on you. Then there are parts where you have to bend down really low because you have to walk through a dark tunnel. I thought I was going to hyperventilate... But then you get up to the second floor, which shouldn't even be considered a second floor. It's honestly just a tiny little passageway that goes along the wall throughout the church and you can see down to the first floor. Not my cup of tea to be honest.
That's pretty much it. I mean we did go back to the hostel after and talk. It's great to talk about the differences in culture that we are really seeing now. Like at first we see little differences, but as time goes on, we find more and more, and every time, we understand them a little more. And it's also great because now that we really live here, now that we know how Spain is, we can talk about the things we like here or the things we like more about USA. It's just interesting to see everyone's different opinion.
If anyone reading my blog is going to be a future AFSer, go to orientation and make the most of it! Because these are the only people that really understand what you're going through, the only people that can really help you. You can talk to your parents and your friends, but they're never going to understand this situation and this experience the way the other AFSers and volunteers will. So enjoy your time at orientation!!!
My Ben&Jerry's was freezing bc it was so cold out
Me, Cristina, Alex, Pablo, Luken
HAHAHA I can't deal with Luken
Jesus was whiter than I am...that's hard to accomplish
Hogwarts bathroom...can't deny it
This is genuinely concerning
Vitoria
Alex and Pabs, my boys
Volunteers are so chill
Looks like an exorcism
Mi gentxuuu (my people)
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Carnavales
So this weekend has been pretty great. This weekend is Carnavales (Carnival) here so we have a four day weekend. I kicked off my long weekend by going to see 50 Sombras de Grey (50 Shades of Grey), which was AMAZING, although it's kind of funny to watch it dubbed over in Spanish, because it takes some of the sexiness out of it. But it was still so good. There's a lot of people criticizing it, but the truth is, I thought it was incredible. And let's be real, Jamie Dornan (Christian Grey) is probably the sexiest man to walk this earth like oh my god. I saw it with three of my good friends on Friday night.
Then on Saturday I spent some time with my boy, as it was Valentine's Day. After about 2 1/2 hour with him, the party started!!
Carnavales is this huge party where everyone dresses up in some type of costume, hangs out with all their friends in the streets, listening to music, drinking, smoking, living it up. It's popular in certain European countries, Brazil (and I'm sure many other SA and Central American countries), and even New Orleans. I REALLY want to go to Carnival in New Orleans.
Anywho, I dressed up as a Native American with some of my girlfriends and we went out on the streets with a bunch of other friends who dressed up as pilots, bears, characters from Breaking Bad, and even mops...like what...? Such a good time.
It's so great because you just don't find this stuff in America. You walk through the streets and you just feel the energy emanating from the hundreds of other people crowded in the middle of the road. Groups of friends are laughing and talking and everywhere you go there are people having a good time.
I just love stuff like this. The parties here are 1000000000 times better than the parties in America. (I'm hoping that the college parties will be how all the shows and movies portray them--huge and crazy.)
I could only stay out until 12:30 which kind of sucked because all my friends stayed out until like 3 AM, but oh well, rules are rules, curfews are curfews. And it also was raining the entire night so that kind of sucked. All us girls left home super gorgeous with our hair and makeup done, costumes all done up, and we all went home with knotty hair, runny makeup, and soaking wet....we all looked kind of like wet dogs, but hey, who cares, right? We had an amazing time, or at least I did.
Then on the way home, I left my purse on the bus...that NEVER happens to me. I never forget my purse or phone or anything like that, so I was freaking out when I realized that I had left it on the bus and it had my money, card, ID, permit..everything. The thing is, I seriously don't understand how I forgot it, because I had it right next to me. But good news!! The bus driver found it and I got it back this morning, though someone did take my money. Thank god I only had like 5-10 euros.
Despite rain, drama, and lost purses, I had an absolutely incredible weekend, and now it's time to buckle down and study for the exams we have starting this coming Friday (EW!!). Well, now I can say I've partied in Spain for Carnavales!! These are the things that make me not want to go home. I know it's going to be so hard to leave this place and these people behind.
My hair for Carnavales
Nerea, me, Olatz, Esti, Naroa
Jone, Olatz, me, Naroa
Olatz, Naroa, Esti, me, Jone, Sara
Olatz, me, Naroa
Esti, Sara, Olatz, me, Naroa, Jone
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Home
So the other day I was on my way to buy my costume for Carnavales, which btw is an Indian costume that's actually really ugly but who cares, and I decided to take a walk through the "duck park." This park is huge and I had been in so many different parts of it before that I kept thinking they were different parks when it was the same one the whole time. It took me quite a long time to figure out it was one big park. I figured it out when I realized that there was always a duck pond in the park, no matter "which one" I was in. That's when we started calling it the "duck park." Anyway, that's not the point...
So I was walking through this absolutely gorgeous park and I got to a part where there's this open "hallway" type thing with arched ceilings and the walls full of vines. And in the middle of it all, in an open patio type area, there's this fountain that's absolutely gorgeous. I was standing there and I remembered that I had been there with the AFS group at our first Bilbao orientation.
It felt weird. It felt weird because I remembered I had no idea where I was when we went with the group, and now I know exactly how to get there and how to get to a bunch of different places there. It also felt weird to think about the group of exchange students. At first they were a solace for me because I could finally talk in English and complain with people that really got it. But we haven't had an orientation in what feels like a seriously long time. I don't want to say that I forgot about the group, because obviously I haven't forgotten about them, but it feels weird thinking about the group and being a part of it.
I love the group and this is probably coming out all wrong, but I just mean that it doesn't feel like an exchange program anymore. I don't feel like the American here for the year. I don't feel like this is some long trip with some school and, well, 10 months of living here. I feel like this is my home now. I know Bilbao and Mungia and I feel at home here. These friends are my friends. This school is my school. This family is my family. I also realized that day that I had felt so left out and alone at first, and it's amazing because I haven't felt like that in so long. I feel like I'm a part of everything around me here, like they've adopted me into their lifestyle and now I'm a natural part of it.
Not to say that I don't miss back home because that is my normal life that I've always had and I love it and miss it so much, but now I feel like I have two different homes, two different cities, two different lives. And it's just crazy to think of how hard it's going to be to go home and leave everything that I found here behind.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Half way there
Today is the 5th of February. I arrived here the 5th of September. I have officially been here for 5 months, which means that I'm halfway through my year (well 10 months) abroad, and I'm in shock.
When I look back on these past 5 months, it's strange because there's a part of me that feels like I've just started. The time has flown by and I've been having the best time with my friends and family here. But there's another part of me that feels like I've been here for so much longer. I've grown so much, changed so much, learned so much, matured so much in only 5 months.
It's crazy to think about when I first got here. I didn't understand anything. I remember always feeling so lost because I couldn't understand even the simplest things. I remember feeling so alone because I didn't have any friends and I didn't know how to make any because I couldn't exactly be my normal outgoing self when I had no idea what was going on or how to communicate. I remember feeling sad because I missed home, I missed being with my family and friends, I missed understanding, I missed being me, I missed the normality of my life. I remember always being tired because it was so much work to try to understand, communicate, study. I would come home from school completely exhausted and want nothing more than to sleep, but I couldn't because I had to do hours of homework using Google Translate for just about everything. I remember wondering if it was going to get better, wondering if it was going to get easier, and wondering when.
But I think back and I can recognize the steps, every time getting a little bit easier. I remember finding friends from my host sister's class, finally talking to my class, finally going to a discoteca, finding new girlfriends, really getting to know my class, getting close with friends I've had since the beginning and constantly making new ones, becoming more comfortable, using less and less Google Translate, understanding more and more, getting consecutively higher grades. It's so crazy how much has changed in only 5 months.
Now I'm incredibly happy here. I've got incredible friends, a precious boytoy, a family that supports me... I understand Spanish to the point where I can understand almost anything people say to me, well as long as they're using normal colloquial language, because if they used what's in the Spanish Lit book, I'd probably die. I can almost always communicate my point, although I still don't talk perfectly, of course. But I mean hey, if I can get my point across instead of having to always stop and say "no se" (I don't know) every time I have something to say, like I did at the beginning of the year, then hey I think I'm doing pretty well. They even tell me I only have a slight American accent, which is probably the most exciting thing ever not gonna lie.
These past 5 months have been the hardest of my life. I can't tell you how many times there was a part of me that just wanted to give up and go back to my normal, easy life. I can't tell you how many times I couldn't even cry because I was too frustrated or upset. These past 5 months have been the most humbling of my life. I've seen a whole new culture, a whole new world, really. I've learned so much and I've seen so much, it's crazy. I actually realized when I got here how much US pride I have. Like if someone says something bad about the US, I kind of always want to punch them in the face, and I definitely always feel the need to defend it. Although yes there are a lot of problems with the US, and although yes it's amazing to be abroad, US is my country, it's my home, and I'll defend it to the death (totally being over dramatic, I doubt I'd defend it to the DEATH). Anyway, as I was saying, these past 5 months have been insanely eye opening and heart wrenching, but they have most definitely been the best 5 months of my life. I've had some amazing times, met some amazing people, seen some amazing things, and felt some amazing emotions. I didn't know it was possible to feel so much, but it is.
I'm starting to get excited about going home to see my friends and family and because when I get home, I've got a lot of cool things waiting for me, like an awesome job in a tattoo shop, a license and car, more tattoos, a puppy, etc. But at the same time, thinking about leaving scares me. It scares me because I've fallen completely in love with this place and these people and my life here and the things that I'm feeling that I've never had the chance to feel before. It's definitely going to be hard to go home.
Well, I'd just like to say thank you to everyone back home who supported and continues to support me on this crazy journey; I love and miss all of you so much, and I can't wait to see you in what is sure to be a very short 5 months. I'd also like to say thank you to everyone here who took me in, taught me, helped me, supported me, showed me the way, and "adopted" me into their family, friend groups, and hearts. I love all of you very much, I'm extremely excited to spend the next 5 months with you, and I will be heartbroken to leave you. Thank you all for everything you've done for me and for making these 5 months incredible. Some pictures of amazing people and amazing moments:
When I look back on these past 5 months, it's strange because there's a part of me that feels like I've just started. The time has flown by and I've been having the best time with my friends and family here. But there's another part of me that feels like I've been here for so much longer. I've grown so much, changed so much, learned so much, matured so much in only 5 months.
It's crazy to think about when I first got here. I didn't understand anything. I remember always feeling so lost because I couldn't understand even the simplest things. I remember feeling so alone because I didn't have any friends and I didn't know how to make any because I couldn't exactly be my normal outgoing self when I had no idea what was going on or how to communicate. I remember feeling sad because I missed home, I missed being with my family and friends, I missed understanding, I missed being me, I missed the normality of my life. I remember always being tired because it was so much work to try to understand, communicate, study. I would come home from school completely exhausted and want nothing more than to sleep, but I couldn't because I had to do hours of homework using Google Translate for just about everything. I remember wondering if it was going to get better, wondering if it was going to get easier, and wondering when.
But I think back and I can recognize the steps, every time getting a little bit easier. I remember finding friends from my host sister's class, finally talking to my class, finally going to a discoteca, finding new girlfriends, really getting to know my class, getting close with friends I've had since the beginning and constantly making new ones, becoming more comfortable, using less and less Google Translate, understanding more and more, getting consecutively higher grades. It's so crazy how much has changed in only 5 months.
Now I'm incredibly happy here. I've got incredible friends, a precious boytoy, a family that supports me... I understand Spanish to the point where I can understand almost anything people say to me, well as long as they're using normal colloquial language, because if they used what's in the Spanish Lit book, I'd probably die. I can almost always communicate my point, although I still don't talk perfectly, of course. But I mean hey, if I can get my point across instead of having to always stop and say "no se" (I don't know) every time I have something to say, like I did at the beginning of the year, then hey I think I'm doing pretty well. They even tell me I only have a slight American accent, which is probably the most exciting thing ever not gonna lie.
These past 5 months have been the hardest of my life. I can't tell you how many times there was a part of me that just wanted to give up and go back to my normal, easy life. I can't tell you how many times I couldn't even cry because I was too frustrated or upset. These past 5 months have been the most humbling of my life. I've seen a whole new culture, a whole new world, really. I've learned so much and I've seen so much, it's crazy. I actually realized when I got here how much US pride I have. Like if someone says something bad about the US, I kind of always want to punch them in the face, and I definitely always feel the need to defend it. Although yes there are a lot of problems with the US, and although yes it's amazing to be abroad, US is my country, it's my home, and I'll defend it to the death (totally being over dramatic, I doubt I'd defend it to the DEATH). Anyway, as I was saying, these past 5 months have been insanely eye opening and heart wrenching, but they have most definitely been the best 5 months of my life. I've had some amazing times, met some amazing people, seen some amazing things, and felt some amazing emotions. I didn't know it was possible to feel so much, but it is.
I'm starting to get excited about going home to see my friends and family and because when I get home, I've got a lot of cool things waiting for me, like an awesome job in a tattoo shop, a license and car, more tattoos, a puppy, etc. But at the same time, thinking about leaving scares me. It scares me because I've fallen completely in love with this place and these people and my life here and the things that I'm feeling that I've never had the chance to feel before. It's definitely going to be hard to go home.
Well, I'd just like to say thank you to everyone back home who supported and continues to support me on this crazy journey; I love and miss all of you so much, and I can't wait to see you in what is sure to be a very short 5 months. I'd also like to say thank you to everyone here who took me in, taught me, helped me, supported me, showed me the way, and "adopted" me into their family, friend groups, and hearts. I love all of you very much, I'm extremely excited to spend the next 5 months with you, and I will be heartbroken to leave you. Thank you all for everything you've done for me and for making these 5 months incredible. Some pictures of amazing people and amazing moments:
AFS Spain
Sis and my cuzzo
AFSers for life
Olatz
My first ever discoteca with my girls, Olatz and Sara
Girlfriends for life (I hope)
Family is forever
Blessed with the best class ever
Christmas dinner
My #1 since day 1
I'll always be one of the guys
I don't know what I'd do without these two
I love this girl so much it's crazy
my boy <3
SNOW!!!
Holy crap I haven't posted in a while...I guess it's because nothing terribly special or interesting has happened lately. I've really just been plugging along with school, as we have exams coming up.
Anywho, sooo, it snowed yesterday!!! I'm not excited because I've never seen snow or anything like that. I mean I live in Pennsylvania, and every single year there is a crap load of snow, so I'm used to it. I'm excited because they said it doesn't snow here. I guess it hasn't snowed in Bilbao in like 8 years or something like that. I never in a million years thought I'd miss the snow, because I hate winter and the cold, but I actually do. So when I woke up to see the ground white and the sky grey, I was pretty happy.
I think honestly the best part was seeing everyone else's reaction. I don't think I've ever seen people so fascinated by snow. Everyone in Bachiller, that's the last two years of highschool, was giddy and excited, flipping out like little kids. Literally so precious. They came into school, and the only topic of conversation was the snow and "how much there was" even though there wasn't even half an inch. And I swear in every class, the people were opening the windows, even though hizo un frio que te cagas (translation = it was really effin cold). They were even taking pictures of the snow falling. It was so cute to see everyone so worked up, carefree, and childish over something I take for granted, because I see plenty of it every year.
During patio, which is when we go to some bar to eat or just hang out in the streets of the city by the school for our half an hour break, there was even a snowball fight. There wasn't much snow, and the snow that there was on top of the cars was more ice than snow. So you better believe that hurt. Everyone was taking chunks of icy snow and throwing them at their friends, laughing, running around and trying not to get hit. They even started this epic snowball fight, some people on one side of the street, and other people on the other side. I just feel bad for the casual passersby. Poor guys were probably getting pelted, too. I remember sitting in the bar where we usually get our sandwiches for lunch and seeing snowballs fly past the windows and then people running by with a huge smile on their face, someone chasing them. So funny.
I loved it, all of it. It was strange and exciting to see them getting so worked up about snow, because when we get snow in PA, everyone's always just really grumpy, whereas here, everyone took advantage of the 1/2 inch of snow. Probably one of my favorite days/experiences here so far.
Anywho, sooo, it snowed yesterday!!! I'm not excited because I've never seen snow or anything like that. I mean I live in Pennsylvania, and every single year there is a crap load of snow, so I'm used to it. I'm excited because they said it doesn't snow here. I guess it hasn't snowed in Bilbao in like 8 years or something like that. I never in a million years thought I'd miss the snow, because I hate winter and the cold, but I actually do. So when I woke up to see the ground white and the sky grey, I was pretty happy.
I think honestly the best part was seeing everyone else's reaction. I don't think I've ever seen people so fascinated by snow. Everyone in Bachiller, that's the last two years of highschool, was giddy and excited, flipping out like little kids. Literally so precious. They came into school, and the only topic of conversation was the snow and "how much there was" even though there wasn't even half an inch. And I swear in every class, the people were opening the windows, even though hizo un frio que te cagas (translation = it was really effin cold). They were even taking pictures of the snow falling. It was so cute to see everyone so worked up, carefree, and childish over something I take for granted, because I see plenty of it every year.
During patio, which is when we go to some bar to eat or just hang out in the streets of the city by the school for our half an hour break, there was even a snowball fight. There wasn't much snow, and the snow that there was on top of the cars was more ice than snow. So you better believe that hurt. Everyone was taking chunks of icy snow and throwing them at their friends, laughing, running around and trying not to get hit. They even started this epic snowball fight, some people on one side of the street, and other people on the other side. I just feel bad for the casual passersby. Poor guys were probably getting pelted, too. I remember sitting in the bar where we usually get our sandwiches for lunch and seeing snowballs fly past the windows and then people running by with a huge smile on their face, someone chasing them. So funny.
I loved it, all of it. It was strange and exciting to see them getting so worked up about snow, because when we get snow in PA, everyone's always just really grumpy, whereas here, everyone took advantage of the 1/2 inch of snow. Probably one of my favorite days/experiences here so far.
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