Nine down, One to go

     I remember when I uploaded the blog post, "One down, Nine to go." For those of you that don't realize, that means months. I remember when I finished my first month here. The excitement was unreal, the homesickness was unbearable, and the intensity was unthinkable. I was feeling so many emotions. On one hand, I was missing home so much, always thinking about my family and the things I felt like I was missing. On the other hand, I was so excited because I had seen amazing things, met amazing people, and lived an amazing first month here...but if I only knew how things were gonna turn out......
      I knew things would get better and better every month, but I didn't realize I was going to find my home here. I had no idea I was going to meet some of my absolute best friends in the world here. I didn't know I was going to meet my boyfriend that I'm absolutely crazy about here. I didn't know that I was going to have one of the absolute best school years I've ever had here. I didn't know I was going to be getting 9s and 10s in all my classes here. I didn't know I was going to learn Spanish so well that people genuinely think I'm from Spain. I didn't know this beautiful place was going to become my home. I didn't know that I was going to find all that I found here... Hell, I didn't know that I was going to find MYSELF here.
     Over the course of these 9 months, I've learned what it means to love and respect your family, to truly appreciate them. I know it's cliche to say that you don't know what you got til it's gone, but it's actually the truth. You don't realize how much you love your family and how much you appreciate the life that you have back home until you have to live without it. Living with a new family in a new country makes you appreciate all the things you used to share with your family, even if they did drive you crazy. I miss getting my nails done with my mom or going out to get burritos with my dad. I miss their presence and their advice and even their crazy moments. I only have 13 days until I get to see my mom and I couldn't be more excited!!
     Over the course of these 9 months, I've learned what it's like to be lost. I know what it's like to be physically lost, as my first month here I spent wandering around Bilbao without having any idea where I was going. I remember one time when I got lost with my friend (also from US) in the most dangerous part of Bilbao and had no idea that I was even there until afterward. I also know what it's like to be mentally and emotionally lost. I can't even tell you how difficult it was at first. I didn't understand a THING. I don't have a very good memory of most of what happened when I first got here, because I didn't understand what people were saying or what was happening. And there were times when I would ask myself why I even came. The beginning was SO hard I can't even explain it to you; it's something you have to experience to understand.
     Over the course of these 9 months, I've learned what it's like to find myself. I didn't know I was lost, I didn't know I was missing something, I didn't know I wasn't myself. I had no idea because I had never changed anything. Basically my whole life (that I can remember) has been spent in the same house with the same family members and the same friends. I mean of course there were important things that have made me change or grow, but I have more or less always been the same person with the same interests. Until I came here. Until I had to give up everything I had ever known and adjust to a new culture. It gave me a chance to explore outside my comfort zone, to push the limits, and in the process, I've learned what I like and what I don't, what makes me happy and what pushes my buttons, what I can take on like a champ and what's enough to push me over the edge. I've learned so much about myself and I've grown as a person, mentally, emotionally, socially, physically. I'm never going to be the same person that I was before I came here, and that kind of scares me to be honest, because I don't know how I'm going to fit into the equation when I go home. It might be too late for me, considering I'm completely different.
     I'm so excited to go home. Thinking about only having a month left makes me want to jump up and down with pure joy. I'm so excited to finally be able to hug my family and laugh with my friends. I'm excited to be in my own house and my own school, speaking my own language (though to be honest, Spanish at this point feels more natural than English does). I'm excited to have a drivers license, a car, a new puppy, a job, 2 different volunteer programs, and a summer full of fun with my friends. I can't wait to go back to what I've always known.
     On the other hand, thinking about leaving makes me want to break down and cry. Some of my best friends are here. My boyfriend is here. My school is here. My city is here. My home is here. I've become so accustomed to my life here that I don't know how to live without it. I don't know how to go back to the life that I had now that THIS is my life, this is what I know, this is what I love. It scares me to leave behind a life that I don't know if I'll ever get back. I don't know if I'll ever see these people again, I don't know if I'll ever come back here again. I can say as many times as I want that I would love to, that I want to, that I will, but life doesn't always work out how we want it to. I don't have any idea if I'll ever get even a part of this world back, and that's what scares me the most.
     But hey, I'm going to live up my last month here just like I've been living up the last 9. Truth is, I'm going to try to live it up even more than I have been. And don't worry, I'll be sharing all of it on this blog, just like I've been doing this whole year. 
     Some of my favorite moments throughout the year:

Right before leaving NYC

It's a freaking castle

San Juan de Gaztelugatxe 

AFS Bilbao (before we lost like 6 people)

First night out with the babes

Dinner with my ladies

Anaconda fun

Craziest, best class ever

Sopelana

My love

CARNAVALES WAS THE BOMB

I love orientations

Birthday with the babe

Suffering through the Camino de Santiago

We finally finished

Ronda!!

I love these AFSers

My honeybunnies

Best friends are too weird together

AFS orientation with Spaniards = the shaaat

Best friends

finishing the school year = celebrating til we drop

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Last Euskadi Orientation

     So this weekend was the last orientation for the kids in Euskadi (Basque Country). I thought it was going to be an orientation like any other with the 9 of us. Our group is 5 Americans, 2 Germans, an Austrian, and a Chinese girl. But this time it was different. This time we were with a bunch of Spanish kids.

     Turns out our very last orientation was their very first orientation. They are all students that are either going abroad for 1 or 2 months this summer or for the upcoming school year. At first, it was kind of strange, and our group sort of just stayed separated and we talked amongst ourselves. But then, of course, we had to do a bunch of ice-breaking activities. The first one we did was this name game but it was so ridiculously hard. Even after two days with them, I still don't know most of their names...whoops. 

     After the normal activities and lunch, our little group went sailing!! Now mind you, they were TINY little sailboats. There were only 6 people in each boat (4 students, one volunteer, and a sailor). At first I was terrified to be honest. I mean I've been out on a boat sooo many times, considering I used to own a boat, but it's not the same as sailing. The first 30 minutes or so, my friend Simon and I were freaking out the whole time because we kept thinking the boat was going to tip over. But after a while, we got used to it, and it actually got really fun. Each one of us got to steer the boat for a while, which was kind of hard to be honest. And our sailor/guide was so nice and so funny. He was this (not gonna lie) ridiculously attractive Spanish guy with dark hair and a beard and everything. I thought he was like 25 but then he started talking about Bachillerato and when I asked how old he was, he said 18! I swear the people in Spain all look a lot older than they are. 

     Anywho, later we did more activities which were pretty lame but at the same time fun. It always works out that way. We complain and whine and say we don't want to do these lame activities that don't actually help us, but I think in the end, we always end up having a lot of fun (we just don't want to admit it). 

     After dinner, our little group prepared an activity. It was this really strange sort of "game" where there was a king and queen of a society that doesn't talk, they just make certain little noises that mean different things. Simon and my friend Alison were the king and queen and the rest of us were the other members of the society. 

     When the Spanish kids came in, they had no idea what was going on. We had a circle of chairs and candles around the circle with the lights off. They had to take a seat, but then we had to go around the circle and try to get all the guys to sit in the chairs and all the girls to kneel on the floor with their shoes off...WITHOUT WORDS. It took quite a while but we finally accomplished it. Then we had to feed them (crackers with mayonnaise, wasabi, and pate) and give them drinks (lemon KAS with mayonnaise). God it was so funny. 

     The whole point of the activity was to see how they reacted. Most of them were frustrated, annoyed, tired, and confused. All of the girls also thought it was sexist. But the thing is, it wasn't like that. We were a highly advanced society that didn't have to talk to understand each other, but we made up certain gestures and sounds to be able to communicate with other societies. And the women sat on the ground, took their shoes off, and were able to drink directly from the cup without being served because in that society, the ground is sacred and so are the women, and they are the only ones that are able to come in direct contact with the ground.

     It showed them that they're going to be confused, they're going to be frustrated, they're not going to understand, but that things aren't always as they seem. It showed them what it's going to be like to live in a foreign country for an entire year. I mean no, it definitely didn't prepare them for the reality, but it helped, so that was pretty cool. 

     We finished that activity at about 12:30 AM and a lot of people went to bed, but the rest of us stayed up for a while in this room at the hostel just talking and singing and laughing. It was so awesome to be able to hang out with the Spanish kids 1) because they're the best and 2) because it's cool to see them beginning their adventure. A few of us even stayed up til about 4:30 AM, which probably wasn't the BEST idea, but hey, it was pretty dang fun.

    The next day, we woke up and did more activities, like always. For one of the activities, our little group had to prepare posters with a "timeline" in the form of a river. On the sides of the river, there were rocks and trees. Inside the trees, we had to write the good moments along the way and when they happened and inside the rocks, we had to write the bad moments and when they happened. Then we had to present it in front of the Spaniards, which I didn't mind doing, because I LOVE talking about my experience here in Spain.

     One of the really awesome things was that one of the volunteers after told me that all of the Spaniards had said that they thought I was one of them at first. They said that if the volunteers hadn't have said that I was a foreigner, they never would have known because I talk so well. Even the volunteers kept telling me that I speak ridiculously well and I don't have an accent. It's so satisfying to hear that. I work so hard, and I'm so glad that it's actually paying off!

      Saying goodbye that day was SO hard. It's always hard to leave orientation, because it's fun to be with the students and volunteers and people that really understand what you're going through. But this time it was even harder to leave because 1) we had met some really amazing people that were really fun to be with and 2) it was our last orientation.

      Leaving that orientation, a sort of depression washed over me. It was awesome to see how excited all the Spaniards were and to help them out, but at the same time, it was kind of hard to watch, because I was jealous, to be honest. I was jealous because I remember when that was me, and now my year is ending. I was jealous because there are a lot of things I took for granted and a lot of things I wish I could do better. 

     It's such a confusing time in the trip because half of me is ridiculously excited to go home. Half of me is counting down the days and wishing it would just be here already because I can finally see my friends, my family, my home, and because I have a bunch of awesome new things waiting for me, like a car, a job, a puppy, etc. But the other half of me is terrified. It's going to be so hard to say goodbye, because this is my home now. These people who used to be strangers are now my best friends, my family. 

     And the thing is, it wasn't so hard to let go of everything back home because I knew it would be waiting for me when I got back. But this time, I don't know who I'm going to see again, what I'm going to do again, where I'm going to go again. And that's hard to accept. I don't know how I'm going to do it. That was the one downside of this orientation...it reminded me of everything I have to let go of. 

*tomorrow I will add photos*

Easter Break part 2: Ronda

     Wow it's been a while. I was planning on posting this back when I posted the other half of my Easter Break post, but I got so busy and haven't had the chance. So, here I am, posting about Easter break about a month late...
      Ok, so in my last post, I talked about the Camino de Santiago, which was really hard and really long and really crazy, but also amazing. I also mentioned the fact that I had a 10/11 hour train ride to go home. Well, I got home at about 9:30 PM and instead of going to bed like my body was begging me to do, I had to unpack everything from the Camino, do laundry, and repack everything I was planning on bringing on our next adventure.
     So the next day, at about 10 AM, we set off on my second Easter journey. This time we were going to Ronda, which is in the province of Malaga. Now I don't know how many of you know this, but I live in Bilbao...that's northern Spain...and Malaga is in southern Spain. So that meant 2 DAYS IN A ROW of 10 hour travel (this time in a car with the family).
     It's funny that as soon as you get out of the Basque country, everything changes. You start actually seeing Spanish flags, because not living in the Basque country allows you to hang them up without being almost killed in the process. (For those of you that are less culturally aware, the Basque country is fighting like crazy for it's independence from Spain. If you say that they're Spanish, they will probably go on a 30 minute rant...believe me, it happened to me the first few months.)
     So we drove down to Ronda, where we met up with my host dad's cousin and his family. They have a beautiful big house out in the country! Having this big house and all this land allows them to have something that you don't see a lot in Spain...PETS (ok there are a lot of cats and some dogs but whatever). I mean they went all out. They have 3 dogs, 3 cats, 2 guinea pigs, birds, 4 peacocks, a donkey, goats, chickens...I feel like I'm forgetting something...
     That first night we put our things in their apartment that they were letting us use for the week. The apartment is right above their Veterinary Clinic (that explains the pets!). After that, we went out on the town for a late night dinner at around 10:30 (actually not that late of a dinner in Spain) and there was a sort of "parade" going on, which I couldn't even watch. The thing is, they have a bunch of monk looking people with terrifying masks on that make them look like they're part of the KKK and they play this creepy drum music and I get really freaked out, so I couldn't watch.

 Little bro, Gotzon, sis, Ane Elena, and wittle cuzzo, Mario

Easter parade (sis had to take pics)

     The next day we woke up and the amazing thing was that the sun was finally shining!! In Bilbao, you don't get too much sun. It's basically a constant cover of rain or clouds. We walked into the town center and had some churros with chocolate (YUMMMMM try it if you get the chance) and then did some touring, which was amazing. I can't even describe how beautiful it was. I'll let the pictures do the talking...after all, a picture IS worth a thousand words...

 that's a lot of churro

 Mom, Sis and I in front of the Plaza de toros

 Breathtaking

Main street (great shopping I must add)

     Later that day, we went to a surprise birthday party for someone in the family, which is where I saw the hottest Spanish guy that I have ever seen, I must say... Sorry Pino hehe... ANYWAY, I finally got to eat paella!!! Before coming to Spain, I was so pumped for the paella, but it's not a very popular dish in northern Spain...chipirones en su tinta is more popular (and also VERY disgusting...) So it was a great day of laughter, chatting, LOTS of food, family, and definitely some sun bathing!

 Dad and my precious cuzzo, Mario

 Stuck like glue

Now THAT'S paella

     The next day, my host sister and I walked around the town for the morning to do some more sight seeing, which was incredible. It really is a GORGEOUS town, honestly. I think the only downside is that there are quite a lot of tourists..but oh well, it was pretty cool to finally hear people speaking in English. 

     Later that day, we went to the mountains and took a short hike. Let's just say I wasn't too thrilled about that at first, because I was in skinny jeans and vans and it was a good 85 degrees out...but luckily we didn't hike much. We went to these two pretty awesome caves to take pictures and see the nature. I must admit, it was quite beautiful. 

     
     Right after that, we went out to eat. At first we thought we were just going to get a coke and hang out and then we would eat later, but in the end, we ended up eating a bunch of little things until we got full. That's actually kind of normal here in Spain. We ate things like calamari, fries with Spanish jamon (ham), and even fried olives, which were strangely satisfying. After lunch, we took a walk through the park and then I went back to the apartment and took a much needed nap. 

     On Monday, I spent the morning shopping, which is probably my favorite thing to do, other than traveling of course. I bought a bunch of things, including a Spanish flag and a shirt that says Espana which you are never going to find in the Basque Country. I can't even wear that shirt to school because people would kill me, so I'm sort of hiding that shirt in the back of my closet for when I get home.

     Later that day, we picked up our little cuzzo Mario, who is the most precious thing I've ever seen in my life, and we went to these Arabic baths (basically just like Roman baths) that were built on the outskirts of the city a ridiculously long time ago. And right after that, we went to this really old mine in the mountain where the people of Ronda used to go down and get their water from the small lake at the bottom. It was really beautiful.

 can't handle his cuteness

 Arabic bath house

 Outskirts of Ronda

Mine

     On Tuesday, the family and I went to the bull ring in Ronda to check it out. I was really disappointed we couldn't actually see the bull fight (?? I have no idea what that's actually called) happen, but it was pretty cool to finally see the inside of a ring. 

     To finish out the day, we went to a little village called Setenil that has houses built into the side of  the mountain. It was so strange and I don't understand how people can possibly live in those houses because they're so tiny and they're made of rock. I mean hey that's pretty sweet, but I just don't think I could do it. That night, we said goodbye to our cousins and packed up our things because the next day was our last day in the South, but we weren't going to be spending it in Ronda. 

Goodbyes are always hard

     The next morning, we headed out of town. We went to a town about two hours away. I don't remember what the town is named, but that's not all that important. That day we went touring the Roman baths, theater, amphitheater, and museum that they have in the town, which was really cool. It's fascinating to see that these incredibly old, elaborate structures are able to be conserved. 

 amphitheater

 theater

     The next morning, we packed up our things and we went home...another 10 hour car ride, which wasn't very fun, but I mean hey, it's gotta be done. It was great to get away from life for a while and visit a new place, a place that was everything I expected Spain to be. I loved it so much, but the thing is, I didn't realize just how much I missed Bilbao. When we got to the Basque Country, I felt it...I felt at peace, at ease, at home. I loved Andalucia and Southern Spain and the heat and the sun, but the truth is, rainy old Bilbao is my home, it's my city. I'm so proud to be from Bilbao. 

     Overall, my Easter vacation was incredible! It was definitely the best Easter break I've ever had. I know this blog post was a little different from normal, because there's usually a lot more writing and a lot less pictures, but oh well, time to shake it up. I also realize this blog post is ridiculously late, and I'm sorry for that, but hey, cut me some slack, I've got one heck of a busy life over here (;