A Spanish Adventure : Nine down, One to go

I remember when I uploaded the blog post, "One down, Nine to go." For those of you that don't realize, that means months. I remember when I finished my first month here. The excitement was unreal, the homesickness was unbearable, and the intensity was unthinkable. I was feeling so many emotions. On one hand, I was missing home so much, always thinking about my family and the things I felt like I was missing. On the other hand, I was so excited because I had seen amazing things, met amazing people, and lived an amazing first month here...but if I only knew how things were gonna turn out......
I knew things would get better and better every month, but I didn't realize I was going to find my home here. I had no idea I was going to meet some of my absolute best friends in the world here. I didn't know I was going to meet my boyfriend that I'm absolutely crazy about here. I didn't know that I was going to have one of the absolute best school years I've ever had here. I didn't know I was going to be getting 9s and 10s in all my classes here. I didn't know I was going to learn Spanish so well that people genuinely think I'm from Spain. I didn't know this beautiful place was going to become my home. I didn't know that I was going to find all that I found here... Hell, I didn't know that I was going to find MYSELF here.
Over the course of these 9 months, I've learned what it means to love and respect your family, to truly appreciate them. I know it's cliche to say that you don't know what you got til it's gone, but it's actually the truth. You don't realize how much you love your family and how much you appreciate the life that you have back home until you have to live without it. Living with a new family in a new country makes you appreciate all the things you used to share with your family, even if they did drive you crazy. I miss getting my nails done with my mom or going out to get burritos with my dad. I miss their presence and their advice and even their crazy moments. I only have 13 days until I get to see my mom and I couldn't be more excited!!
Over the course of these 9 months, I've learned what it's like to be lost. I know what it's like to be physically lost, as my first month here I spent wandering around Bilbao without having any idea where I was going. I remember one time when I got lost with my friend (also from US) in the most dangerous part of Bilbao and had no idea that I was even there until afterward. I also know what it's like to be mentally and emotionally lost. I can't even tell you how difficult it was at first. I didn't understand a THING. I don't have a very good memory of most of what happened when I first got here, because I didn't understand what people were saying or what was happening. And there were times when I would ask myself why I even came. The beginning was SO hard I can't even explain it to you; it's something you have to experience to understand.
Over the course of these 9 months, I've learned what it's like to find myself. I didn't know I was lost, I didn't know I was missing something, I didn't know I wasn't myself. I had no idea because I had never changed anything. Basically my whole life (that I can remember) has been spent in the same house with the same family members and the same friends. I mean of course there were important things that have made me change or grow, but I have more or less always been the same person with the same interests. Until I came here. Until I had to give up everything I had ever known and adjust to a new culture. It gave me a chance to explore outside my comfort zone, to push the limits, and in the process, I've learned what I like and what I don't, what makes me happy and what pushes my buttons, what I can take on like a champ and what's enough to push me over the edge. I've learned so much about myself and I've grown as a person, mentally, emotionally, socially, physically. I'm never going to be the same person that I was before I came here, and that kind of scares me to be honest, because I don't know how I'm going to fit into the equation when I go home. It might be too late for me, considering I'm completely different.
I'm so excited to go home. Thinking about only having a month left makes me want to jump up and down with pure joy. I'm so excited to finally be able to hug my family and laugh with my friends. I'm excited to be in my own house and my own school, speaking my own language (though to be honest, Spanish at this point feels more natural than English does). I'm excited to have a drivers license, a car, a new puppy, a job, 2 different volunteer programs, and a summer full of fun with my friends. I can't wait to go back to what I've always known.
On the other hand, thinking about leaving makes me want to break down and cry. Some of my best friends are here. My boyfriend is here. My school is here. My city is here. My home is here. I've become so accustomed to my life here that I don't know how to live without it. I don't know how to go back to the life that I had now that THIS is my life, this is what I know, this is what I love. It scares me to leave behind a life that I don't know if I'll ever get back. I don't know if I'll ever see these people again, I don't know if I'll ever come back here again. I can say as many times as I want that I would love to, that I want to, that I will, but life doesn't always work out how we want it to. I don't have any idea if I'll ever get even a part of this world back, and that's what scares me the most.
But hey, I'm going to live up my last month here just like I've been living up the last 9. Truth is, I'm going to try to live it up even more than I have been. And don't worry, I'll be sharing all of it on this blog, just like I've been doing this whole year.
Some of my favorite moments throughout the year: