I've finally felt a little homesickness after not feeling it for about 2 weeks. This time, I wasn't missing my friends or family or house or school. This time I was missing the stars.
Now mind you, I don't live in the middle of a city. I live on the outskirts of a village, but there are always street lights and the sounds of cars on the highway the street over, the sound of children and their parents arguing in the streets, the sound of the neighbors moving furniture or whatever the heck they're doing.
I'm used to solitude. I'm used to going home to a relatively quite house (besides when there are screaming matches between family members) with my own room to lock myself in when I need to recover from a particularly hectic day. Mind you, I love having siblings that are actually close in age that I can hang out with, as my real siblings are much older than me and grew up across the United States from me.But I'm still getting used to always having people around, always sharing everything (my room with my sister, the bathroom with both siblings,etc.), and to living in an apartment, which is considerably smaller than my own home. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be happier with where I am and the family that I have here, but it's still a bit different and, at times, still a bit strange.
I was at my host aunt's house the other night. She lives sort of in the mountains, has her own house, and we can actually see the sky there. That's when I realized just how much I missed the stars. Not just the stars...the peace, the tranquility of nature, the quiet of the night. I miss laying in the grass at my house, gazing at the vast, endless universe, trying to make out constellations. I miss hearing nothing but the crickets and the wind blowing through the leaves of the ridiculously beautiful green trees. I miss feeling at peace, like everything is exactly as it should be, like everything is perfectly at rest, one harmonious being, breathing as one, acting as one.
I miss staring at the stars and being able to just THINK. Sometimes, I find that with all the things going on and all the people around me, I don't have time to just think anymore. That's what I love the most: when I can just ponder how meaningless human life is when you take into account the rest of the universe. It's so crazy to think that we are nothing. We are a tiny speck in the endless reality. There could be beings out there JUST LIKE US, or related to us but extremely different. And hey, maybe they're staring at the stars the exact same moment that I am, seeing a different set of stars, wondering if there's anyone or anything else out there that resembles the life they have.
In the grand scheme of things, the problems that we have just seem so meaningless. They seem so materialistic, so human, so relative. That's why I love to look at the stars. They put everything into perspective. And that's something I've been lacking for a while. Since I've gotten here, I've given too much reason to the problems I've had, making them more than they need to be. In the life that I was given, I've been blessed beyond belief, and I'm thankful for that.
I didn't realize just how much I missed the stars, the nature, the quiet, the peace. I didn't realize how much I missed the feeling of laying in the damp, cold grass, getting lost in the stars that cover the sky like a blanket, getting lost in the promises of life.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Monday, October 27, 2014
Annabelle
So, Saturday, I went to see Annabelle with some of my girlfriends from school, my host sister, and a friend from the US who is here with AFS, too.
For those of you that don't know what Annabelle is, it's a horror movie. (WARNING: Plot killer:) There's a family who are getting ready to have a baby when the daughter of their next door neighbors and her boyfriend go on a killing spree, killing their own parents and attacking their neighbors, this couple with the baby. When the cops come, the girl locks herself in the nursery with this doll that the husband had given the wife for the baby, and this girl kills herself, as a sacrifice to the devil. They were in a cult or something like that. And this allows an evil spirit to possess the doll.
So, the doll starts haunting the family and brings the devil with it, I guess. It's looking for a soul to take with it, trying to take the baby's soul, because it can't exactly resist. In the end, the mom is about to commit suicide with the doll in her hands to sacrifice her soul for her child. But everything ends up alright in the end, and the doll is in some museum, locked behind glass.
This is actually a real story! I mean, obviously there are things that have been changed or dramatized, because that's kind of what Hollywood does, but it's a genuine thing. And the doll is in some whacky museum of paranormal things in Connecticut. That's literally the most scary part about it.
I used to HATE scary movies, but now I love them! I mean, they still scare the living bejeezus out of me, but for some reason, I find them absolutely fascinating, especially the paranormal ones.
Not only was it great because the movie was awesome, but it was great because of the experience in the theater. Now mind you, I was a little nervous because this was my first time to the movie theater in Spain. I wasn't sure if I'd even be able to understand anything, as they do voice overs in Spanish (which is absolutely hilarious btw). But I understood pretty well; almost everything, actually.
The theater was huge and FULL of people, though I don't think the movie is very new, though I could be wrong, I have no idea. All the people were yelling at the screen, hiding behind sweatshirts, flipping out. It was actually quite hilarious to be a part of. At times, I even found myself yelling at the screen in Spanish as if the characters could hear me (not like they'd listen anyway, all scary movies kind of go the same way in terms of character stupidity).
But yeah, sorry if I ruined the movie for you. If you've seen it, I'd love to know what you thought. And if you haven't, I definitely recommend going to see it.
And if you ever get the chance to go to a (possibly new) movie in a theater with a bunch of crazy Spanish people, GO FOR IT. It's pretty funny!
For those of you that don't know what Annabelle is, it's a horror movie. (WARNING: Plot killer:) There's a family who are getting ready to have a baby when the daughter of their next door neighbors and her boyfriend go on a killing spree, killing their own parents and attacking their neighbors, this couple with the baby. When the cops come, the girl locks herself in the nursery with this doll that the husband had given the wife for the baby, and this girl kills herself, as a sacrifice to the devil. They were in a cult or something like that. And this allows an evil spirit to possess the doll.
So, the doll starts haunting the family and brings the devil with it, I guess. It's looking for a soul to take with it, trying to take the baby's soul, because it can't exactly resist. In the end, the mom is about to commit suicide with the doll in her hands to sacrifice her soul for her child. But everything ends up alright in the end, and the doll is in some museum, locked behind glass.
This is actually a real story! I mean, obviously there are things that have been changed or dramatized, because that's kind of what Hollywood does, but it's a genuine thing. And the doll is in some whacky museum of paranormal things in Connecticut. That's literally the most scary part about it.
I used to HATE scary movies, but now I love them! I mean, they still scare the living bejeezus out of me, but for some reason, I find them absolutely fascinating, especially the paranormal ones.
Not only was it great because the movie was awesome, but it was great because of the experience in the theater. Now mind you, I was a little nervous because this was my first time to the movie theater in Spain. I wasn't sure if I'd even be able to understand anything, as they do voice overs in Spanish (which is absolutely hilarious btw). But I understood pretty well; almost everything, actually.
The theater was huge and FULL of people, though I don't think the movie is very new, though I could be wrong, I have no idea. All the people were yelling at the screen, hiding behind sweatshirts, flipping out. It was actually quite hilarious to be a part of. At times, I even found myself yelling at the screen in Spanish as if the characters could hear me (not like they'd listen anyway, all scary movies kind of go the same way in terms of character stupidity).
But yeah, sorry if I ruined the movie for you. If you've seen it, I'd love to know what you thought. And if you haven't, I definitely recommend going to see it.
And if you ever get the chance to go to a (possibly new) movie in a theater with a bunch of crazy Spanish people, GO FOR IT. It's pretty funny!
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Guggenheim
So, Bilbao is kind of only really known because of the Guggenheim museum. It is not the only Guggenheim museum, but the one in Bilbao is made out of titanium, glass, and limestone. If you see it while walking or driving by, it looks like a boat. However, if you are looking at it from above, it is said to look like a blooming rose. It is truly quite spectacular.
Today was somehow actually the first time that I entered it. I was with three of my friends that are here with AFS as well, hanging out in Bilbao for the afternoon, because tomorrow, one of them is changing host families and moving all the way to Barcelona!!!! That's like 5 hours away, and we're all really going to miss him. But I'm happy he found a better living situation.
Anywho, we entered, and the inside of the building is even more spectacular than the outside. Unfortunately, at this moment, I don't have any pictures because my phone was dead while we were there, but my friends took some, and they will send them eventually. As soon as I get those pictures, I will post them along with this blog post, no worries.
However, even though I knew that it was a MODERN art museum, I still didn't really realize what that meant. The first floor was literally a room with a bunch of ginormous wooden/metal/IDon'tEvenKnowWhat sculptures. But they weren't sculptures of anything special. They were literally just big half circles. I was like what the hell is this? Did they forget to finish this exhibit? Is there supposed to be something more?
And of course, the second floor doesn't open until tomorrow, so we didn't get to see that.
Then there was the third floor, which was better, but still kind of ridiculous. There were metal boxes, giant wooden platforms that had "fallen" on each other (genuinely looked like Jenga in mega form), and paintings where I'm pretty sure the person just splattered every color they could find on the canvas. And all these things are "special" in some way, and probably millions of dollars.
I just don't understand. I did not like it at all. Maybe I just don't understand modern art, or maybe I just don't see the significance in the paintings/sculptures. For example, with the one painting that was literally just splatters of colors, my friend was like, "Yeah I think there's a lot of darkness and different colors to represent the craziness after World War II," or something like that. I was like, "Uhm that literally looks like he spilled all the paint." I just don't get it. I guess my kind of art is a quite literal painting of something, like the beach, or a forest, or a person. I'm not creative enough to see those things, I suppose.
So if you're super into modern art, and you see a deeper meaning in all of it, then the Guggenheim is the place for you. But if you're like me, I suggest going to see the outside, and possibly walking into the lobby of the building, but it's not really worth the money, which surprisingly isn't a lot. But I guess at least I can say I've been to the Guggenheim in Bilbao!!
Today was somehow actually the first time that I entered it. I was with three of my friends that are here with AFS as well, hanging out in Bilbao for the afternoon, because tomorrow, one of them is changing host families and moving all the way to Barcelona!!!! That's like 5 hours away, and we're all really going to miss him. But I'm happy he found a better living situation.
Anywho, we entered, and the inside of the building is even more spectacular than the outside. Unfortunately, at this moment, I don't have any pictures because my phone was dead while we were there, but my friends took some, and they will send them eventually. As soon as I get those pictures, I will post them along with this blog post, no worries.
However, even though I knew that it was a MODERN art museum, I still didn't really realize what that meant. The first floor was literally a room with a bunch of ginormous wooden/metal/IDon'tEvenKnowWhat sculptures. But they weren't sculptures of anything special. They were literally just big half circles. I was like what the hell is this? Did they forget to finish this exhibit? Is there supposed to be something more?
And of course, the second floor doesn't open until tomorrow, so we didn't get to see that.
Then there was the third floor, which was better, but still kind of ridiculous. There were metal boxes, giant wooden platforms that had "fallen" on each other (genuinely looked like Jenga in mega form), and paintings where I'm pretty sure the person just splattered every color they could find on the canvas. And all these things are "special" in some way, and probably millions of dollars.
I just don't understand. I did not like it at all. Maybe I just don't understand modern art, or maybe I just don't see the significance in the paintings/sculptures. For example, with the one painting that was literally just splatters of colors, my friend was like, "Yeah I think there's a lot of darkness and different colors to represent the craziness after World War II," or something like that. I was like, "Uhm that literally looks like he spilled all the paint." I just don't get it. I guess my kind of art is a quite literal painting of something, like the beach, or a forest, or a person. I'm not creative enough to see those things, I suppose.
So if you're super into modern art, and you see a deeper meaning in all of it, then the Guggenheim is the place for you. But if you're like me, I suggest going to see the outside, and possibly walking into the lobby of the building, but it's not really worth the money, which surprisingly isn't a lot. But I guess at least I can say I've been to the Guggenheim in Bilbao!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
New Blog
Just a heads up, in case you are curious or bored or like to read: I've just started a new blog. It's very random, nothing special. I've always loved to write. I don't think there's any better way to express yourself than with the written word. I think a pen and paper are two of the absolute most important things in this world, and they can get you so far. I've always been a writer, and whether it's obligatory (for example, a class essay) or for enjoyment, I always put my entire heart and soul into what I'm writing. I'm a very complicated thinker with deep feelings and a passionate soul, and for that, I think writing is an excellent outlet for expression. So, I've decided to create a blog where I just write...anything. Poems, short stories, anything random. It's never incredibly long, no worries, you won't be reading a novel. But I always write little things when I'm bored or when I'm feeling something in particular, and I decided, why not share them. Maybe someone can connect with me in one way or another through these stories. There's only 2 posts as of this moment: an introduction and a poem I've written, but I promise there will be more soon. So, if you've got any interest, and you'd like to check it out, click here. Thanks guys!
Monday, October 20, 2014
No place I'd rather be
You wanna hear something weird? I had that one day where the homesickness was eating away at me and I thought I might break for a while. And then, for an entire week, I felt absolutely no homesickness. Nothing, whatsoever.
I mean, there's a huge possibility that that's partly because I was super busy all week. I had a ridiculous amount of homework and studying this past week, and then I spent almost my whole weekend with the other exchange students at an orientation, which was obviously kind of lame, but at the same time really fun because of the people (and the ability to express myself in English).
But I think it's kind of amazing that not just for a day, not just for one random morning, or when I was sitting in a cafe in Bilbao, but for an entire week, I have felt content. I feel like I belong here. I feel like this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.
And while yes, it's hard to see the pictures of everyone doing things together, especially for Halloween, because that's my favorite holiday and it's not very popular here, I still can't imagine being there right now. I can't imagine being anywhere but here.
And for the first time, I'm starting to become extremely attached to the people here, to the place that I live, and to the experience that I'm going through. The thought of leaving actually makes me slightly depressed because there's so many things I have left to see, to learn, to say, to understand, and most importantly, to feel. I'm not ready to leave, and I'm starting to wonder if there will be a time when I AM ready.
Yes, Pennsylvania will always be my home, but this is my home now too, just like California will always be my home, as well. Moving doesn't mean you've left behind the place you were before, nor does it mean giving up the people you loved before. Moving means opening your eyes to more beautiful sights, opening your mind to experiences yet to come, opening your arms to new relationships you're bound to make, and opening your heart to new family, new friends, and new love. It's expanding the realm of the life you already had. That's why I think studying abroad is the greatest thing anyone could ever do, besides curing cancer or something like that, of course. It's giving you a chance to open yourself up to a whole new life, a whole new way of thinking, and a whole new world.
"What would I say to those who are thinking of studying abroad but are having doubts? ..... Just do it. Because I believe that the best experiences come from the things you're afraid of."
I mean, there's a huge possibility that that's partly because I was super busy all week. I had a ridiculous amount of homework and studying this past week, and then I spent almost my whole weekend with the other exchange students at an orientation, which was obviously kind of lame, but at the same time really fun because of the people (and the ability to express myself in English).
But I think it's kind of amazing that not just for a day, not just for one random morning, or when I was sitting in a cafe in Bilbao, but for an entire week, I have felt content. I feel like I belong here. I feel like this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.
And while yes, it's hard to see the pictures of everyone doing things together, especially for Halloween, because that's my favorite holiday and it's not very popular here, I still can't imagine being there right now. I can't imagine being anywhere but here.
And for the first time, I'm starting to become extremely attached to the people here, to the place that I live, and to the experience that I'm going through. The thought of leaving actually makes me slightly depressed because there's so many things I have left to see, to learn, to say, to understand, and most importantly, to feel. I'm not ready to leave, and I'm starting to wonder if there will be a time when I AM ready.
Yes, Pennsylvania will always be my home, but this is my home now too, just like California will always be my home, as well. Moving doesn't mean you've left behind the place you were before, nor does it mean giving up the people you loved before. Moving means opening your eyes to more beautiful sights, opening your mind to experiences yet to come, opening your arms to new relationships you're bound to make, and opening your heart to new family, new friends, and new love. It's expanding the realm of the life you already had. That's why I think studying abroad is the greatest thing anyone could ever do, besides curing cancer or something like that, of course. It's giving you a chance to open yourself up to a whole new life, a whole new way of thinking, and a whole new world.
"What would I say to those who are thinking of studying abroad but are having doubts? ..... Just do it. Because I believe that the best experiences come from the things you're afraid of."
Sunday, October 12, 2014
The Forgotten
It's obviously painful to miss someone. You feel an emptiness where they used to reside. You feel an ache for them, an ache to see them again, an ache to be able to laugh with them, touch them, hold them, really BE with them. Sometimes it can even drive you crazy.
However, I think missing someone can also be terrifying. What's scary isn't the fact that you miss them...what's scary is wondering if they even miss you back. What's scary is wondering if you ever cross their mind. What's scary is wondering if they even care that you're gone.
And that's how I feel today. I look on Instagram and see countless photos from the Homecoming dance, which let's be honest, I probably wouldn't have gone to anyway, as I think school dances are an egocentric popularity contest set to music. But here's the thing, all of the people that I grew up with, that I miss, that I love, are all in one place, smiling, laughing, hoping, and loving. All of them are having a great time, all of them together, and all of it without me. And I realize that I'm having an experience that's ridiculously incredible and exciting and I'm so beyond happy and content here with my new family, city, friends, etc. But it still sucks to watch them all grow closer as I slowly drift farther away.
The worst part is having to wonder if they're forgetting about me. I know it's probably stupid to think that, but it's a genuine concern. It's only been a month, and I already worry that I've slipped their mind...that's what worries me. I'm spending an entire year in a totally different place, secluded from those back home, those that are spending this year together, laughing together, crying together, making memories together, falling in and out of love together. And all of these things, whether good or bad, are going to bring them closer, going to push them into each other, push them into loving and trusting each other more than ever. And all the while, I'm being pushed away. Each day that goes by, it becomes easier for them to forget. Eventually, they'll no longer see the empty desk as the place I used to be...to them, it will be just another empty desk.
That's what scares me...feeling like I won't be remembered, like I won't be missed...but feeling like I deserve to be remembered, like I deserve to be missed, at least by some. Feeling like I gave everything I could to some people, feeling like I shared something with them, like we're now holding little pieces of each other within our own hearts. Feeling like for that reason, I deserve to be preserved in their memory, at least for longer than only one month.
Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm just lonely, and having a bad day, and missing home a little too much. But I just don't want to lose anything back home while I search for new things here. And maybe that makes me selfish...wanting to have a life in both places, wanting to keep those that I love in both places, wanting to be a part of two lives, both mine. But if that makes me selfish, then hell, I'm okay with that. Because to me, giving up everything back home to find "better" things here is selfish, it's crazy to assume that's possible (at least for me), and it's horrible. I could never give up on those that I love. And for that reason, I will hold on as tightly as humanly possible to those I love; I will preserve them in my memory for as long as I'm away; I will remember them, I will miss them, and I will love them...no matter what part of the world I'm in. I can only hope I meant enough to them to get that in return...
"You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place."
However, I think missing someone can also be terrifying. What's scary isn't the fact that you miss them...what's scary is wondering if they even miss you back. What's scary is wondering if you ever cross their mind. What's scary is wondering if they even care that you're gone.
And that's how I feel today. I look on Instagram and see countless photos from the Homecoming dance, which let's be honest, I probably wouldn't have gone to anyway, as I think school dances are an egocentric popularity contest set to music. But here's the thing, all of the people that I grew up with, that I miss, that I love, are all in one place, smiling, laughing, hoping, and loving. All of them are having a great time, all of them together, and all of it without me. And I realize that I'm having an experience that's ridiculously incredible and exciting and I'm so beyond happy and content here with my new family, city, friends, etc. But it still sucks to watch them all grow closer as I slowly drift farther away.
The worst part is having to wonder if they're forgetting about me. I know it's probably stupid to think that, but it's a genuine concern. It's only been a month, and I already worry that I've slipped their mind...that's what worries me. I'm spending an entire year in a totally different place, secluded from those back home, those that are spending this year together, laughing together, crying together, making memories together, falling in and out of love together. And all of these things, whether good or bad, are going to bring them closer, going to push them into each other, push them into loving and trusting each other more than ever. And all the while, I'm being pushed away. Each day that goes by, it becomes easier for them to forget. Eventually, they'll no longer see the empty desk as the place I used to be...to them, it will be just another empty desk.
That's what scares me...feeling like I won't be remembered, like I won't be missed...but feeling like I deserve to be remembered, like I deserve to be missed, at least by some. Feeling like I gave everything I could to some people, feeling like I shared something with them, like we're now holding little pieces of each other within our own hearts. Feeling like for that reason, I deserve to be preserved in their memory, at least for longer than only one month.
Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm just lonely, and having a bad day, and missing home a little too much. But I just don't want to lose anything back home while I search for new things here. And maybe that makes me selfish...wanting to have a life in both places, wanting to keep those that I love in both places, wanting to be a part of two lives, both mine. But if that makes me selfish, then hell, I'm okay with that. Because to me, giving up everything back home to find "better" things here is selfish, it's crazy to assume that's possible (at least for me), and it's horrible. I could never give up on those that I love. And for that reason, I will hold on as tightly as humanly possible to those I love; I will preserve them in my memory for as long as I'm away; I will remember them, I will miss them, and I will love them...no matter what part of the world I'm in. I can only hope I meant enough to them to get that in return...
"You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place."
Friday, October 10, 2014
FIRST EXAM
Today I took my first official test in Spanish school...Actually that's a lie. I already took one, but it was in English class...which is taught in English...sooo that doesn't really count. But today I had a test in Latin...
Now, keep in mind that Latin is somehow my easiest class right now. I understand almost everything in class and I am able to do the homework with almost no problems.
However, when I went in to take that test, I swear my mind went totally blank. I couldn't remember a thing at first. But then after a few minutes of literally just staring at the test and probably looking either crazy or stupid (or quite possibly both), I started to remember things. So, I started the first part of the test, which was conjugating words in their "casos" within 2 different "declinaciones." I have 0 clue how to explain this, so we'll just leave it at that.
But then I moved on to the section that was translating sentences, and there were some that were super easy, like the ones we did in class. But there were other sentences that even the people that KNOW Spanish didn't understand, because there were things she never explained to us, and there were things that were in general just more complicated than anything we've done so far.
Now, I know that's normal. The things on the test are a lot of times a little more in depth and complicated than the things in class. However, when I am struggling to understand the language they're teaching me in, for me, it's kind of a nightmare for them to make it even more difficult than normal.
I was sitting there, so lost on some of the sections, and just thinking to myself: If this is how I feel on the test for the class that I actually understand, how am I supposed to understand anything for, say, History, Literature, Economy...?
But thank God I have a super nice teacher for Latin. She came and asked how I was doing and that's when she saw the look on my face that obviously said Uhm are you dumb? Clearly I have no clue what the hell any of this means...
So she gave me some help with the sentences, pointing me in the right direction, telling me the meaning of some of the words, whether translating from Latin to Castellano (Spanish) or Castellano to English.
And there was a section in which we had to explain "Latin Expressions" in Spanish, and I only understood what three of them meant when they were directly translated. However, I had absolutely no clue how to explain them or what to put for the example. So I had to leave them blank.
I took the whole hour to take the test (actually most people did) and when I gave it to her, she was all like "It's okay, I know this section (Latin Expressions) is really hard for you at this point, don't worry about this section. You're doing extremely well in this class. From what I saw when I was helping you, you did a great job on what you had written on the test...blah blah blah." Of course, all of that was in Spanish...
So, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that test. I know I didn't totally bomb it, because there were things that I understood and knew how to do. Also, as far as the things I didn't know how to do, she helped me with some of them, and others she said not to even worry about at this point. So, I guess I feel alright. But now I'm dreading even more the thought of the other tests...which I'm most definitely going to fail...
Sooooo moral of the story: school here is really damn hard at the beginning....and my grades are literally going to tank.....but hey, I'm having an amazing time, so at this point, it's not bothering me as much as it would have before. I've come to terms with the fact that I can't have everything. I'm having this incredible year in a beautiful place with amazing people (AND DELICIOUS FOOD) but my grades are going to suffer. And yet, I'm okay with that. Because making new friends, finding a new family, living in a new environment, learning a new language, and exploring a new culture is so much more important to me, and I know that for a fact now. So yeah, I guess you could say I'm pretty content.
Now, keep in mind that Latin is somehow my easiest class right now. I understand almost everything in class and I am able to do the homework with almost no problems.
However, when I went in to take that test, I swear my mind went totally blank. I couldn't remember a thing at first. But then after a few minutes of literally just staring at the test and probably looking either crazy or stupid (or quite possibly both), I started to remember things. So, I started the first part of the test, which was conjugating words in their "casos" within 2 different "declinaciones." I have 0 clue how to explain this, so we'll just leave it at that.
But then I moved on to the section that was translating sentences, and there were some that were super easy, like the ones we did in class. But there were other sentences that even the people that KNOW Spanish didn't understand, because there were things she never explained to us, and there were things that were in general just more complicated than anything we've done so far.
Now, I know that's normal. The things on the test are a lot of times a little more in depth and complicated than the things in class. However, when I am struggling to understand the language they're teaching me in, for me, it's kind of a nightmare for them to make it even more difficult than normal.
I was sitting there, so lost on some of the sections, and just thinking to myself: If this is how I feel on the test for the class that I actually understand, how am I supposed to understand anything for, say, History, Literature, Economy...?
But thank God I have a super nice teacher for Latin. She came and asked how I was doing and that's when she saw the look on my face that obviously said Uhm are you dumb? Clearly I have no clue what the hell any of this means...
So she gave me some help with the sentences, pointing me in the right direction, telling me the meaning of some of the words, whether translating from Latin to Castellano (Spanish) or Castellano to English.
And there was a section in which we had to explain "Latin Expressions" in Spanish, and I only understood what three of them meant when they were directly translated. However, I had absolutely no clue how to explain them or what to put for the example. So I had to leave them blank.
I took the whole hour to take the test (actually most people did) and when I gave it to her, she was all like "It's okay, I know this section (Latin Expressions) is really hard for you at this point, don't worry about this section. You're doing extremely well in this class. From what I saw when I was helping you, you did a great job on what you had written on the test...blah blah blah." Of course, all of that was in Spanish...
So, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that test. I know I didn't totally bomb it, because there were things that I understood and knew how to do. Also, as far as the things I didn't know how to do, she helped me with some of them, and others she said not to even worry about at this point. So, I guess I feel alright. But now I'm dreading even more the thought of the other tests...which I'm most definitely going to fail...
Sooooo moral of the story: school here is really damn hard at the beginning....and my grades are literally going to tank.....but hey, I'm having an amazing time, so at this point, it's not bothering me as much as it would have before. I've come to terms with the fact that I can't have everything. I'm having this incredible year in a beautiful place with amazing people (AND DELICIOUS FOOD) but my grades are going to suffer. And yet, I'm okay with that. Because making new friends, finding a new family, living in a new environment, learning a new language, and exploring a new culture is so much more important to me, and I know that for a fact now. So yeah, I guess you could say I'm pretty content.
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