What we leave behind

     Today marks the turning point of the summer. Today is the day that my high school got their schedules for the upcoming school year. All I see on Instagram is pictures of schedules with the caption, "Comment if you have any classes with me!" Underneath the pictures, there's comments from tons of people: "Chem," "WoodTech," "Spanish," "Lit,". 
     I'm not going to lie, it actually makes me really sad. It's a reminder that yes, I will be doing something that's totally worth gloating about, but what's the fun if you have no one to gloat to? I'm going to be all alone in Spain, surrounded by new people, places, and things, while everyone here falls back into the same routine with the same people they've known forever. I don't regret my decision and I couldn't be happier that I'm going to Spain, but the thing is, this is comfort to me. My home, with my friends, in my school, taking my classes in my own language. 
     I feel kind of guilty about being sad, like I should be grateful for being able to have this opportunity. And don't get me wrong, I am incredibly happy, incredibly excited, and incredibly grateful for this. But it's still going to be hard to leave everything I've really ever known. While I'm away, the people that I know, the people that I call my friends, are going to move forward without me. They're going to smile, laugh, cry, break, and recover without me. They're going to fall out of old habits and into new ones. They're going to meet new people and create new relationships. They're going to be completely different. And so will I. I just wonder how I'll readjust to my high school and community when I get back. Because after this year, there will be an un-bridgeable gap between me and them. 
     When people talk about what it was like to be abroad, they talk about the delicious food, the beautiful places, the sweet host family. They talk about all the amazing times they had in a new place. It's funny that they never really mention what we leave behind, which is us as we've known ourselves for our whole lives. After this year, we will no longer be the people that we were when we left. I think we all are just hoping (or at least I am) that this will mold us into the people we've wanted to be but were too sheltered to become. I don't know about you, my fellow AFSers, but I'm ready for a change, even if that means leaving everything comforting behind.

Here are some pictures of my amazing friends and I: