One month of more greetings than it feels like I've ever been through. One month of ups that have made me feel like I can do anything in the entire world. One month of downs that have made me feel like I was falling apart.
This has been the longest and shortest month of my entire life. In a way, it feels like I just arrived. It feels like it's gone so fast. Every Friday, I tell Ane how fast the week has gone. And every Sunday night, I feel like I hardly had a weekend. At the same time, when I think about where I started, I feel like I've come so far. It feels like years ago that I met my family, because I'm so comfortable with all of them now. It feels like years ago that I arrived at school for the first time. It feels like Bilbao is my city and has been my city for my whole life. I feel so adjusted and comfortable to the way life is here, as if I've always lived it.
This has been the hardest month of my life, but it's also been the most inspiring and humbling. Just this month, I've learned so much Spanish. I already knew a lot, but when I arrived here, I honestly couldn't understand ANYONE, and now I can understand A LOT. Talking is still the most difficult thing for me, but everyone tells me I speak really well for only having been here for a month.
This month, I've seen the tragedy of loss, and I've lived it first hand, away from those I would normally lean on. I felt an emptiness I haven't felt in a long time. But it brought me closer to my host family, and it showed me that they really are here for me. That they are my family now, too. They are not just a family I am staying with...they are a part of me now. I love them so much, and I can't even express my gratefulness for them.
This month, I have ached for all that I have ever known, all that I have ever loved. But I've also seen beauty I could never have imagined. I've made new friends that I truly care about, that I truly feel comfortable with. I've made a new family that I can't imagine living without now. I've found a new home for myself.
I've grown, I've changed, and I've matured. In only one month, I've grown to feel stronger, more independent, and more confident than I've ever felt in my whole life. This short month has brought me one step closer to who I am. It's easy to think you know yourself when you're around everything you've ever known. Because yes, you know yourself in that environment, you know who it has made you. But no, you don't know yourself. You don't know the real you. And I've realized that. Being lost here and having to find my way does not bring me closer to finding my old life. Being lost here and having to find my way is bringing me closer to finding my new one, my real one. Being lost here and having to find my way is bringing me one step closer to finding myself. I can feel myself growing, I can feel myself rising, I can feel myself finding the way. And that's something I never could have imagined.
One month has already changed every aspect of my life. One month that has been the toughest, most frustrating, most agonizing month of my life. But one month that has been the most inspiring, the most humbling, and the most incredible month of my life.
Thank you to everyone who has made this month amazing. PS I still miss everyone back home, of course.
One month down...I simply cannot wait to live it up during the next 9.
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