Happy New Year!

     As we leave behind 2014 and bring in the New Year, we think back on this year, usually exclaiming how fast it went by and how much we want to change for the year to come. Then we write Resolutions that are never actually resolved, rather left on a crumpled piece of paper under the bed, long forgotten after a few short weeks. I mean, that's New Years for ya. 
      I've never really been one for Resolutions anyway. For one thing, I'd definitely be one of those people to lose the paper after like 2 days. And for another thing, I don't want to think about all the things that went wrong, all the things I want to change. The things that went wrong are in the past, and I want what comes in the new year to be a surprise, an adventure. Why limit ourselves to these "rules" that are too hard to follow? Why not just live our lives the way we want to live them and let things happen the way they're supposed to happen? 
     Though I'm not one for regretting all the things done that can't be undone or all the things left undone in the past, I definitely am one for looking back and remembering all the amazing times I had. This year, as I looked back, I realized that I had more to remember this year, that I had more amazing memories than I'd ever had before. I've had such an incredible year, one truly worth remembering. It's hard to believe just how crazy wild this year was. And I have every single one of my friends and family to thank for that. 
     Not only did I have a great school year with all my friends back home. Not only did I have a great summer with my exchange students, in California with the fam, and at the beach. I moved to a whole new country! I made friends I can't imagine not having, I've had experiences I will never forget, and I've grown into a person I never knew I could be. This has been hands down the greatest year of my life, and I can't thank anyone enough for that. I love everyone in my life, and I want to thank all of you for being such amazing friends and family to me, and for making this year truly one to remember.
     I can only hope that 2015 is as good as this one, if not better. I hope everyone has had a great year, I hope they have a great night, and I hope they have an amazing year to come. Thanks again for everything. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Merry Christmas to all and to all A Good Night

     Yes, I know this post is late, but I've been busy...
     Christmas was different this year, obviously. I mean, I knew it would be. I knew it was going to be hard being away from all my family and friends, as I've spent every Christmas that I can remember in the same house with the same people. But its a new time with new traditions, and I knew that was coming before the time even arrived. However, that didn't make it any easier.
     Not to say that I had a miserable Christmas...I had a GREAT Christmas, just a different one. This year, I awoke on Christmas Eve and read pretty much the entire day. I was reading Looking For Alaska by my favorite author, John Green, which is an incredible book that I hope someday you get the chance to read. Later, I got to see their Christmas parade, as well as the Basque version of Santa, Olentzero, whose "house" is right by mine!!. After that, I skyped my parents, which made me super happy and sad at the same time. It made me happy to talk to them and see their faces and be able to gossip about everything and anything. But it made me sad because all I wanted to do was crawl through the computer screen and hug them and be with them during this Christmas time so far away from home. At around 8:00 PM, we went to my grandma's house and had dinner with her, our little fam (mom, dad, sister, brother, and I) and my uncle. It was a nice dinner with great company. After that, we watched some show that I don't even know what it is but it was fun just being with the family:

Waiting to see Olentzero

Not sure why there are sheep

Christmas parade

Here comes Olentzero led by Ox who are blinded...not even gonna ask

Announcement from the King of Spain on Christmas Eve

      The next day, my sister woke me up at about 8 am to open presents, but when I got to the living room, my brother had already opened most of what he had...normal young boy on Christmas morning. I opened my presents: I got nail polish, lip gloss, a shirt, pajamas, an umbrella (because I don't have one of my own and I ALWAYS need one), a sweater, rings, and a necklace. I was pleasantly surprised at all that, as my host parents didn't have to get me anything. My parents had already sent me money to buy Christmas presents for myself on Black Friday. And yet my host parents still bought me presents and made me a part of their Christmas, which means a lot to me. After opening presents, we all got ready and headed over to my aunt's house where we had a huge dinner with the whole family. It was exactly how I had always wanted a Christmas to be...the whole family gathered around one huge table with enough food to feed an army and laughter filling the air:

Christmas morning!!!

What's Xmas without a selfie

All the cuzzos

Family dinner

Sissy and Laura (cousin)

Skyping the fam while they open presents

     I was sort of robbed of that. I have a bunch of siblings, but they're all older and live in California, so any family Christmas we ever had together, I don't remember because I was too young at the time. That's what always bummed me out about the holidays, that I couldn't spend it with ALL those that I loved. But it was always great with just my parents. 
     When I got home after spending the day at my aunt's house, I skyped my parents to tell them what I had gotten for Christmas and to wish them a Merry Christmas and things like that. I even got to watch the family opening up gifts through Skype. I may not have been able to be there in person, but I was there in spirit...and pixels...which was close enough for me. I didn't think I was even going to get that much this year.
     So I guess you could say I had a pretty dang good Christmas, though it was obviously very different from the usual Christmas I would have. This is the hardest part of the year, and I knew that before I even arrived here, but I'm so glad that I have an amazing family that loves me and takes care of me and that I feel comfortable with. For that, I didn't have a rotten Christmas...I had a great one. So thank you to them for giving me a great time away from home. 
     I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas, and I hope that you realize that it really isn't about the gifts. I think I always told myself that but I never really believed it until now. Just like with Thanksgiving. We can say every year that it's not about the food or the gifts or a day off of school, but we never really understand exactly what that means. But I do now. It really is about family and being with those that you love and showing them how much they mean to you. You don't realize what you've got until it's gone. I guess I'm just thankful that all I have there isn't gone for good, it's just put on the back burner for a year so I have time to explore new things and make new ties. So Merry Christmas to everyone, and remember to cherish your family and everything that you have. 
     Merry Christmas to all, and to all, A Good Night. 

Best Weekend Ever!

         This has been the best weekend since I arrived in Spain, and maybe even one of the best weekends that I've had in general. 
     It all started Friday, our last day of school before break. We had the first three classes of the day like normal, even though I didn't really have anything to do because I had finished all of my exams and everything. Then we had "free time" like usual, where we go and get food or hang out for 20 minutes and then have the last three classes of the day. Only it was longer than normal, about 45 minutes. We did our class "secret santa" exchange that day and let me just tell you that I was genuinely crying of laughter at my gifts. This absolutely adorable little kid who looks 10 even though he's 16 and says things like "Harry Potter is by Shakespeare, right?" was the one who bought me my gifts. I got a piggy bank that looks like a chicken, a game that I don't even know how to explain (I'll put up pictures), a cat from a chino that waves its arm back and forth if you put a battery in it, a tiny little plush soccer ball, and a freaking wooden spoon. I kid you not I was crying because I was laughing so hard at the fact that he bought me a spoon. I love that kid. But anywho, we spent about 45 minutes after our break in the class playing cards, talking, laughing, playing music, and just having a good time, and it was easily the best last day of school before break that I've had: 

Me and my girl, Fernanda

Rudolph wassup

Fer & Maria

     Then later, I had a Christmas dinner with some of my girlfriends from school and my sister: Alazne, Vanessa, Itsaso, Elena, y Ane-Elena. We went to Krunch which is a sort of restaurant but a little more "fast foody" and had some great food and great conversations. Then we went for a walk and ended up at this gorgeous tree lit up for Christmas, which is situated right in front of one of the most beautiful, if not the most beautiful, buildings I've seen in Bilbao. Of course we took a bajillion pictures: 

Elena, Itsaso, Vanessa, Ane/Elena, Alazne and I 

     Then Saturday, day two of the four great days this weekend had to offer. Saturday night, like a lot of other Saturday nights, we went to Anaconda, the discoteca. But this time it wasn't just us girls. It was basically all of my class (1A), all of 1B, and some of the people from both 1C, 1D, as well as some from 2 Bach (seniors). It was so fun to have everyone there, especially the people that you would never expect to be there, but that showed up because everyone was going. It's so adorable to see those people letting loose and having fun and even telling you they'd go again (though they definitely need a little practice). It was a night of dancing, laughing, talking, and a night where I realized just how cool some people are that I normally don't talk to as much, especially this one guy from my class. We talk, but we had never talked very much, and I always thought I annoyed him, but we ended up hanging out the whole night and he's SO funny. I think by the end of this year we'll be best friends, or at least I hope so. Of course there was some drama, and we even saw a fight on the street, but hey, that's what comes with the life of partiers, I guess. That night I stayed at the house of my best friend that I have here, Fer (Fernanda) which was hilarious and fun and as perfect as always. Love that girl. (First discoteca where I actually didn't take pictures)

     Day three, Sunday, I came home at about 10:30 AM, ate, showered, got dressed and made up all nice and purty, and then I had to leave again. Sunday we had the "comida de clase." Everyone from class that could make it went out to lunch at this place called Deluxe in Bilbao. They serve the biggest hamburgers I have ever seen in my life. Of course I shared one with another girl from my class, Olatz, because there is no way either of us could ever eat the whole thing. What cracked me up was seeing some of those guys eat the whole thing like it was nothing, especially Jon, the one I talked about before who is tiny and looks like he is 10 years old. I'm pretty sure that hamburger wheighed more than him and yet he ate the entire thing. Then after we ate, we all went to Zubiarte, the mall, and just hung out, walking around, talking and laughing like always. When a few of us were at McDonalds eating icecream, there was this guy who had a popsickle stick stuck to his forehead, don't ask me how that's even possible) and I turned to Jon and asked him why the eff that man had a popsickle stick on his head and then we just started dying laughing. Once again, I was crying from laughter, like laughing so hard I couldn't even breath. Poor guy noticed us and took it off his head, though he did put it in his lip..strange fella. Then we went to the park where they have this adorable little pond with ducks and geese and walked through the park. After that, Olatz had to leave, and that left me with all the guys because the other two girls from class couldn't make it that day. But hey, I didn't mind. I've always been more comfortable with guys than with girls anyway, so I felt right at home. We went to this adorable little cafe and all ordered coffee, sitting around outside just having a good old time. I even ordered in English because one of my friends got down on his knees to beg me to do it, and how can you refuse that? Poor waitor had absolutely no clue what I said so I ordered in Spanish with a horrendously overexaggerated American accent and suprisingly enough, he understood me, though he was laughing at my obvious idiotic accent. I thought we were going to go out to eat and then go home, 2 hours max, but we ended up all hanging out for 7 hours, time flying by like it always does when you're having fun:

Jon and the hamburger that is bigger than this head

Kacper and I obviously being dumb

Aner and I have way too much swag to function properly 

(PS right after we took this we got yelled at for taking a picture with the merchandise)

My absolute love, Olatz

This mocha is too cool

Christmas timeeee in the city

     Then yesterday, Monday, the last day of this great weekend, we had the party of Santo Tomás, or as we call it, Santoto. It was in Casco Viejo, which is the oldest (and prettiest) part of Bilbao and it's basically just an entire day of people hanging out in crowds, drinking, eating food, and having a good time with their friends. I went with some of the people from class: Sara, Pino (Cristian), Kacper, Aitor, Onti (Dani), and Uni (Unai) and we met up with some others: Oria (Pablo), Aitor (a different Aitor...every freaking guy here is named Aitor), Iker, and later more and more people. The party was kind of crap, but the company was not. With these people, I always have a good time:

VENGAAAA ES LA HORA DE FIESTA

Pino is presh

Oria, Pino, and Uni hiding in the back

Sara aka the best friend a girl could ask for

Because no matter where I go, I've always got my boys

(Kacper, Aitor, Pino, Uni, and Onti)

Love it when they hopelessly try to pull off wearing my glasses

     I remember how terrified and alone I felt when I first got here and now I can't even imagine leaving these people. You know you're really making friends and you're really loved when they tell you "Bri no te vayas!" ("Bri don't leave!") or that it’s going to be extremely strange when I go back home. I also remember how lame my life was back in PA. I mean for one thing, there’s really nothing to do in Lancaster, PA, like literally a good old nothing. The company was great though, because I absolutely love being with my best friends there, and I miss them so much, but at the same time, I remember that I would choose Netflix over my friends, that I would choose staying in rather than going out, that I would choose being alone rather than being with my friends…the majority of the time. And that’s something I can’t take back or change, but now I feel dumb because all those times, I could have been spending more time with my best friends, and I wasn’t. But all of that has changed. If there’s a chance for me to go out, I go! Maybe it’s because I’m here and I want to make the most of my year, but I LOVE going out now. I’m always going out with my friends or doing something, and I love it that way. Maybe it’s just because I love my life here SO much, and I love my friends SO much. Can’t wait to spend the next 6 months with these amazing people in this amazing place. 

I guess I just want more time

     I'm afraid. 
     I'm afraid of losing what I have here.
     These almost four months that I've been here, I've found true friends. No we're not BEST friends, no we don't have sleepovers and stay up late talking about all the things we know we can entrust to each other, no they don't know everything about me and I don't know everything about them, and yes I know that if it came down to it, they would choose their other friends over me, because they've all been friends since they were little kids...and I've only been here for a mere four months. But every day, we get closer. Every day that I'm here, I feel more and more comfortable, more and more loved, more and more accustomed to these people.
     These almost four months that I've been here, I've found family. We're getting to that point where my sister and I sometimes want to punch each other, as all sisters should. We even talked about this before, when everything was totally perfect all the time. We talked about the fact that we have to fight, we have to get on each others nerves, because if we don't, we can't be real sisters. Real family isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Real families don't always get along. Sometimes they want to punch each other in the face, but at the end of the day, you love your family, you defend them, and you couldn't imagine living without them. I can't imagine going back to PA and not having the noise, the craziness, but the love that we have here. 
     These almost four months that I've been here, I've found a way of life. I've grown accustomed to using public transport...I know...weird. Never would have thought about that before, but I actually kind of like it. I mean don't get me wrong, I can't wait to go back to the US and be able to GET MY LISCENSE and finally drive. That's going to be amazing. But I'm now used to taking the bus and the metro and leaving on my own, not needing to ask my mom for rides like I always have to do back in the US. I've fallen in love with being able to go to this amazing city and do so many different things. I can go to the park, to the mall, to a museum, to a cafe or bar, go shopping, go out to eat with my girlfriends, go to discotecas. Really there are so many choices. I mean back in little old Lanc, there's a good old NOTHING to do. And I also love that we go out later. It's normal here to get together at 8 or 9 for dinner or go out to a discoteca and not get home til super late. It's just a different way of life, but I've become obsessed with it, and I'm not sure how I'm going to feel going back to the way of life that we have in Lancaster, PA, good old Amish country...
     Now I'm not saying that I'm not going to be super happy to go back home, because I will be. I mean I miss my friends and especially my family SO much it's actually painful sometimes. Especially at this time of year, because all I want is to be back home with my family around the tree or the fire, watching Christmas movies or baking cookies with my mom or listening to Christmas music, or going out to see all the decorations. 
     I'm also not saying that I don't love my life back home, because I do. I love my friends and family and even Lanc (surprisingly). Neither life is better, but they're so different. Maybe I'm selfish, but I don't want to lose either of these lives that I have. Here I've finally found things I never could have found in Lancaster County, here I've found a new way of life that I've fallen in love with, here I've found myself. And I fear that when I leave, I'm going to lose everything that I've found this year. It was easier to let go of everything back home for a while, because I know that I'm going to return. I let it go and stopped being so sad about it because I knew that this year I have to soak up every minute of being here, and I'll be going back to everyone and everything there after only 10 months. It seemed like such a long time when I was leaving, like I would be spending half of my life in another country, but now it doesn't feel like enough time to really LIVE it. 
     I'm afraid because I don't want to have to leave behind this life, trade it in for my other one. I want them both, and I don't care if that makes me selfish or greedy...what can I say, I'm only human.
     I'm afraid because I only have 6 months left, and I guess I just want more time. 

Who We Are

     This doesn't really have anything to do with studying abroad, but rather is about life in general. It's just something that I think is really important. So here goes nothing. 
     There's someone here at school...someone whose opinion has become more or less important to me during this short time I've spent here. He told me something the other day. He told me I'm crazy. Wow, shocker, I've been told that by just about every person that's come into my life. It's not a lie, nor an exaggeration  It is 100% true. But that's not what got to me. It's what came after. I said that insanity is a necessity of life, because without it, there's just no fun. And he replied that yes that's true, but I'm too crazy. 
     Did it catch me off guard? Absolutely. Did it bother me? A little. Does it make me want to change? Definitely not. 
     That's the thing. Someone is always going to be there to tell you that you're too much of something. You weigh too much, you're too tall, you talk too much, you're too crazy. And there's always going to be someone there to tell you that you're not enough. You're not funny enough, you're not skinny enough, you're not popular enough, You're. Not. Good. Enough. But I am here to tell you that you ARE. You are just enough, you are the perfect amount of everything that you've got. Does that mean you're perfect? No. But am I perfect? Hell no. No one is perfect, but we're all a perfect blend.
     No matter who you meet in your life, no matter how important they are to you, no matter how much they love you, they are ALWAYS going to want to change you. There will be people who want to change everything that you are, because they think that you're not good enough. And there are going to be people that you think accept you exactly as you are, but even they ask you to change. There will always be people who want you to conform yourself to their idea of perfection. And you need to find the strength to tell them, "No."
     It's not important what other people have to say. Does it still hurt when people talk bad about you or make you feel like there's something wrong with you because of the way that you are? Absolutely. Even the strongest of us isn't bulletproof. It's gonna hurt. It's going to work at our nerves and make us feel like maybe we should change. I am 100% sure that every single person has at least once thought that maybe the right thing to do is to change because then they'll accept you. But it's not. 
     We can never be happy if we take to heart what other people think of us. We'll never be whole if we put on a mask and become the reflection of what every other person thinks we should be. What matters is what we think of ourselves. What matters is who we want to be. 
     The strongest of us are the ones who accept themselves, good and bad, because we are all born special. We all have strengths and weaknesses and things that make us who we are. We have to love ourselves for exactly who we are to find true happiness. 
     So the next time that somebody tells you that you're not good enough, smile, walk away, and thank God, luck, fate, destiny, whatever YOU believe in, that you are exactly who you are, because you'll always be enough. 
     They tell us who they want us to be, but we tell them Who. We. Are.