I guess I just want more time

     I'm afraid. 
     I'm afraid of losing what I have here.
     These almost four months that I've been here, I've found true friends. No we're not BEST friends, no we don't have sleepovers and stay up late talking about all the things we know we can entrust to each other, no they don't know everything about me and I don't know everything about them, and yes I know that if it came down to it, they would choose their other friends over me, because they've all been friends since they were little kids...and I've only been here for a mere four months. But every day, we get closer. Every day that I'm here, I feel more and more comfortable, more and more loved, more and more accustomed to these people.
     These almost four months that I've been here, I've found family. We're getting to that point where my sister and I sometimes want to punch each other, as all sisters should. We even talked about this before, when everything was totally perfect all the time. We talked about the fact that we have to fight, we have to get on each others nerves, because if we don't, we can't be real sisters. Real family isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Real families don't always get along. Sometimes they want to punch each other in the face, but at the end of the day, you love your family, you defend them, and you couldn't imagine living without them. I can't imagine going back to PA and not having the noise, the craziness, but the love that we have here. 
     These almost four months that I've been here, I've found a way of life. I've grown accustomed to using public transport...I know...weird. Never would have thought about that before, but I actually kind of like it. I mean don't get me wrong, I can't wait to go back to the US and be able to GET MY LISCENSE and finally drive. That's going to be amazing. But I'm now used to taking the bus and the metro and leaving on my own, not needing to ask my mom for rides like I always have to do back in the US. I've fallen in love with being able to go to this amazing city and do so many different things. I can go to the park, to the mall, to a museum, to a cafe or bar, go shopping, go out to eat with my girlfriends, go to discotecas. Really there are so many choices. I mean back in little old Lanc, there's a good old NOTHING to do. And I also love that we go out later. It's normal here to get together at 8 or 9 for dinner or go out to a discoteca and not get home til super late. It's just a different way of life, but I've become obsessed with it, and I'm not sure how I'm going to feel going back to the way of life that we have in Lancaster, PA, good old Amish country...
     Now I'm not saying that I'm not going to be super happy to go back home, because I will be. I mean I miss my friends and especially my family SO much it's actually painful sometimes. Especially at this time of year, because all I want is to be back home with my family around the tree or the fire, watching Christmas movies or baking cookies with my mom or listening to Christmas music, or going out to see all the decorations. 
     I'm also not saying that I don't love my life back home, because I do. I love my friends and family and even Lanc (surprisingly). Neither life is better, but they're so different. Maybe I'm selfish, but I don't want to lose either of these lives that I have. Here I've finally found things I never could have found in Lancaster County, here I've found a new way of life that I've fallen in love with, here I've found myself. And I fear that when I leave, I'm going to lose everything that I've found this year. It was easier to let go of everything back home for a while, because I know that I'm going to return. I let it go and stopped being so sad about it because I knew that this year I have to soak up every minute of being here, and I'll be going back to everyone and everything there after only 10 months. It seemed like such a long time when I was leaving, like I would be spending half of my life in another country, but now it doesn't feel like enough time to really LIVE it. 
     I'm afraid because I don't want to have to leave behind this life, trade it in for my other one. I want them both, and I don't care if that makes me selfish or greedy...what can I say, I'm only human.
     I'm afraid because I only have 6 months left, and I guess I just want more time.