Metamorphosis

     I feel like I'm slowly maturing...maybe that's stupid to say, but it's true. I mean I've always been kind of mature for my age. Yeah I still think really stupid, immature things are funny, but that doesn't make me immature. I've always been mature, because I've always needed to be. I've been through a lot in my life, I've seen a lot, and I've had to grow up rather quickly. I understand things in a deeper, more mature, better way than a lot of the people my age ever could. And that's something I love about myself. Plus I've always loved hanging out with people older than me because I feel more connected to them, I feel like I can handle it. 
     So anywho, I was invited to dinner with the girlfriends that I go to the discotecas with. We met up at about 8:30 and had dinner reservations for 9:30. That's definitely different from in the US. I mean most of the time people go to dinner at 6 or 7 or occasionally 8. I love that I was just going to Bilbao at 7:45. 
     We walked to the restaurant, hung around close by until it was 9:30, and then we went in. It was the most precious little restaurant. Walking by, you would hardly even notice it. It's just a small little door. That's kind of how all the places are in cities, though. I love that. I love that you look at this place from the outside and it looks like a nice door with a title, but you wouldn't think there would be anything of value within. However, once you walk through the door, it's actually quite large. It's a two story restaurant, mostly everything black and white, with an extra little set of wooden stairs that lead to nowhere and every stair has a candle. Absolutely gorgeous.
     So we get to the restaurant, and mind you, there are 12 of us....normally there would be 15 but 3 of the girls couldn't make it. We were on the second floor at a huge table to fit all of us. We all order our food, jugs of water, bread, and we sit around the table, talking, laughing, having an amazing time. I feel so great with these girls. Obviously I'm not 100% comfortable. I mean it was only my second time going out with them, but they're some of the greatest girls I've ever met. And I love that here, I really truly have a bunch of girlfriends that I absolutely love hanging out with, because in America I've only got a few girlfriends. All of my friends are guys. To be honest, I've always felt a lot more comfortable with guys than with girls, which is why it makes me feel good to finally feel comfortable with girls, to finally have girlfriends the way that every girl dreams of.
      Anyway, time flew by, as it always does when you're having a good time. Before we knew it, it was 12, and we finally left after eating so much food it's ridiculous, and OF COURSE un postre (dessert), which you basically have to get in a restaurant here (it's like an unspoken rule). What's funny is that there were people still coming in to start eating at that time. It's just normal here. They start their evening at the time that a lot of Americans end theirs. LOVE IT.
     Walking through Bilbao with these girls at 12:30, only just getting home at 1 AM after having payed for our own dinners, I just felt mature. Stop laughing, it's true...Maybe I'm just some dumb teenager playing grownup, but whatever, I like it.
     I like feeling like I can be on my own, like I don't have to depend on my family, on my friends, on anyone but myself. I'm not Bri the friend of such and such, I'm not Bri the daughter of Brian and Chris, I'm just Bri...I'm finally feeling like a young adult, like I'm growing, maturing, becoming more and more independent by the day, and I love it. 
     That's one of the reasons why I think studying abroad is so incredible: you really find yourself. You have to leave everything that defines you and you  have to start over, defining yourself along the way. And you have a choice. You can decide to define yourself in ANY way that you want, because you're not tied down or held back by anything or anyone that may have defined you before. It's kind of like a metamorphosis of sorts. You are one thing before, slowly becoming boxed in, tied down by a messy blur. After a while, you're finally able to break free from this cage, this cocoon that you've become trapped in. And once you're free, you're able to fly instead of crawling along the ground. You're different, you're beautiful, you're free. It's a truly beautiful thing.